The Time is Now

I hate being jealous

2010-01-10T01:57:00.002+08:00

That ugly, nauseating, reflux-like sensation of heartburn. Sending wave after wave of discomfort done your spine. I hate it. Ugh.

Retrospective

2009-04-18T02:23:00.002+08:00

Almost a week ago, I came home from dinner at holland village. The night was still young, I was looking forward to what I had to do, and getting down to doing it. As I walked to the lift lobby, I saw the outline of a figure perched on the floor. It looked like a toad from far, but when I got closer, it was a little bird, maybe not that little, sprawled out on the floor, its neck too weak even to support its head, with it's leg splayed out towards the front. I bent to take a closer look, and this little bird, weak as it was, tried to scuttle away in fear.

Thoughts raced in my mind for a moment, what should I do? What happened to this bird? The fast-approaching footsteps of another person interrupted me. but I thought about how precious life was, and how, in my idealism and all, what with being a medical student still, I should try my best to help. But most of all, I wondered how guilty and curious I'd feel, if I remained apathetic and left that bird there.

So I went up back home, got an old shoebox and some paper, came back down. Found that that kind soul who came after me placed the bird on a piece of cardboard with some paper acting as a blanket (at least he did something), and I took the bird home. A lot of that night was spent googling and reading about mynahs and what they eat, trying to get the little bird to drink or eat something, and an attempted cursory physical examination to figure out what was going on. Haha, but I know jack about birds.

Over the next few days, my parents joined in. Dad named him Jackie, I didn't tell them that I'd thought Easter was an appropriate name, for the significance of when he was found. So Easter/Jackie seemed to be recovering as the days went by. He didn't know how to feed himself. I had to carry him to a dish of water to get him to drink. We even tried feeding him milk with a syringe, which he gulped down ravenously, and sometimes spat out of his mouth equally enthusiastically. I really didn't think birds took milk, but my parents specially bought the milk and syringe for him, since he seemed to be a baby.

Mom and Dad chopped up sunflower seeds and grapes to feed him. Easter didn't like Bananas, but he loved grapes. There were days when he ate a total of 4-6 grapes, seems like a lot for a baby bird. Then again, maybe it wasnt enough. And all the while, I kept thinking about how momma birds supposedly regurgitate their food and allow their young ones to eat from their mouths. So we did what we thought was alright.

Easter seemed to be getting better over time. He gained strength enough to sit up, hold his head up, chirp a lot, maybe when he was hungry, perhaps when he was cold, maybe to call out to his long-lost mother, but he never gained the strength to walk. And from the looks of the feathers on his wings, he didn't look developed enough to fly. So this went on, everyday I came home from school, my dad would've fed him a little through the day, and I'd feed him dinner, change his newspaper, gave him a spray bath once, sayang him a little. I wonder how familiar he got with us, I'd like to think that he got less fearful of us whenever we picked him up.

It was cute though, one of the ways to stop him chirping when he refused to eat anymore was to carry him. He'd lay there in my hand quietly, apparently content, perhaps with the warmth of my hand, with his eyes closed. I never did give him the patience though, carrying him only for a few minutes before returning him to his shoebox home, where I rolled an old cloth in an attempt to provide some warmth for him.

Today was day 6. I came home, took a look at him. He looked a little weaker than usual, but I thought maybe he was just resting and not being very mobile. I went out for dinner with Felicia after that, and then mom messages me to say that he's passed on. I was shocked. I had all these hopes of letting him loose, watching him fly away, putting him back in the wild and checking to see if his mother came. But I suppose I was never that serious, never put my all into caring for him, didn't try harder to find out about nursing a sick mynah back to health. I thought time would heal it's wounds/illness. And I suppose that's why I feel the way I do now, not because I tried my best and Easter passed on, but because...maybe he passed on from my not doing enough. Should we have fed him milk? Did I not give him enough water? Was the milk too cold? The grapes? Did either of them spoil over time? Did I not bathe him enough? Should I have kept him warmer? Should I just have called friends who are vets who would've known much better than me to ask for advice?

I guess it's too late now. I rushed home to check on him, and he was completely still. His head hung low, beak touching the floor. I'd secretly hoped my parents got it wrong, because they thought he'd died on day 2 when they were leaving for church, but what were the chances? I have several perspectives floating in my mind now. "This was just a mynah". "Why didn't I try harder?". "There was little I could've done". "Or was there?".

And so for 6 days, Easter was a part of us. At least he's not suffering anymore now.

Childlike Behaviour

2008-08-06T17:55:00.002+08:00

On the way home today, a part of me felt disappointed, nothing out of the norm perhaps, just the usual thoughts floating in my mind "hai, how come I didn't know that? How come I'm not getting things together?" Common sentiments for a tough posting. And I walked by some of my neighbours sitting by the ground floor, a father and son pair, people I've met several times before, greeted and spoken to sparsely while in the elevator.

So as I walked by the father, we exchanged greetings. And his son, his adorable 18 month year old who I was told (by his mother), likes to behave like a 2 and half year old, who has the cutest rosiest cheeks ever, the brightest smile, with innocent looking eyes; He turned excitedly to see who I might be, and at first glance, I saw his face light up with recognition, his mouth conforming into the shape of a wide smile, his eyes sparkling, conveying a sense of warmth and joy...and if you use a little imagination, perhaps even an element of childlike love. I turned to smile and wave, of course, who could resist doing that?

But in that moment, in receiving that smile, that excited response from this little toddler, whom I've only met 3-4 times before in and around the elevator, I felt my heart jump out of its hole, my spirit lifted. I felt blessed by this simple transaction, I felt...loved.

Imagine that, what power a gesture like that wields. Amazing how a child possesses that ability to edify. Perhaps as adults, we construct inhibitions as we grow up, as we mature, we constantly assess, holding everything suspect, we find it so difficult to trust, so difficult to have faith. What if we could restore that child in us? What if we could maintain that uninhibited childlike perspective in our relationships with each other? Imagine the power of love that would transcend all boundaries. Imagine how we could grow.

Hm..ideals of another world perhaps. If only it were possible.

I like James!

2008-06-18T01:24:00.002+08:00

Verses 2-5: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Verse 12: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

Verses 19-20: My dear brothers; take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Verse 22: Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

Verse 26: If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

Hm. I feel like no words I can say can be more beautiful and profound than the words written above. So I shan't try. Haha.

Pray for Humility

2008-04-18T00:11:00.002+08:00

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do."
Ephesians 2: 8-10

Today I realized how important it is to be meek. Meekness, not weakness, but strength under control. All my life, it seems as if I have been taught to be assertive, aggressive, to pursue whatever I want or need to the best of my ability. Sometimes I think I get lost in that. I forget to slow down, to take time to think before I act or speak. And then I get brash. I tear down. And even though I intend to do otherwise, I fail to encourage or build up.

A teacher of mine once told me that the ends justify the means. But more and more I feel like...what end is there, that you could achieve, that is desirable and beneficial for all, that could be justified by any means necessary? Maybe it isn't all about the end-point, but the process. Seeing that we're all works in progress, it's all about how we develop, how we pick up those soft skills, the intangible things that direct us, shape us into what we are, guide our thoughts and our actions. I suppose I'm thinking about all this because I wonder how I will dispense care as a doctor in future. In my haste to make sense of things, to intervene and to treat, where will I slow down to care for a patient? Or when I work with a colleague? When will I stop being so concerned with the things that do not have feelings?

1 Peter 5:5 says that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. He knows that we require humility in order to admit that we are unable to deal with sin and its effects on our own, and that we need a Saviour. Only in humility are we able to fully embrace what God has offered to us - Salvation, His power, a relationship with Him.

Lord, let me not be proud, that I will not be a stumbling block to those around me, and to myself.

Query : Life

2008-04-13T01:48:00.003+08:00

I am suddenly burdened by what I've been doing these past few months, or perhaps longer. Sometimes, I look at other people, and am amazed at the things they engage themselves in, with the time that they have. And then I realize, that the time that we have, is exactly the same. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week, and so on. And time, as we grow older, seems to be picking up the pace, even accelerating, perhaps because experience results in routine, the rendering of new tasks or challenges into the simple humdrum activity that we face everyday, so much so that we are no longer stimulated the way we used to be, even if we are still equally occupied, and time moves on. I suppose the crux of all this, is that I wonder if I have been making use of my time properly.

Part of me feels like every moment of every day should be spent doing something constructive, self-improving, learning, building myself up. But by what measure? Maybe I could console myself, because I know that we are not meant to gather treasures for ourselves here on Earth, but as we live as He wants us to, we are gathering up for ourselves treasures in Heaven. But am I living like He wants me to? Am I seeking Him with all my heart? I have my lapses. I wish I could be certain. I wish I had more faith.

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I wish I had more drive, more passion, more initiative, a greater curiosity that would propel me to become more inquisitive, to be more thorough with the things that I did - more productive. Thats the word I was looking for. Am I enjoying myself enough when I intend to? Am I learning enough when I study? Am I focused enough to identify my failings and driven enough convert ignorance to knowledge? Knowledge to skill? Skill to success? Hm. Or am I looking at things the wrong way? Haha. argh.

I've taken to saying this more and more often : If in doubt, pray.
Then again, if anything, and I really mean anything, pray.

Thats the only answer that I have to anything. So far.

2008-02-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

"And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Revival!

2008-02-01T01:42:00.001+08:00

It's been sometime since I've been here, once again - one of the most frequently repeated statements on my blog, i'm sure, oops. Haha. And I realize this, I never blog when I'm happy. I only blog when I'm...otherwise... But well, I'm about to try to change that. Why share sorrow? When it feels so much better sharing joy?

And before I forget, for the umpteenth time.... Happy Birthday Emily! ( This blog-birthday-greeting comes 8 days late, sorry!) And thanks for the wonderful lunch! I don't have any pictures of the lunch, but I do have some of the celebration dinner we had at night, after the Med-Law debate. We ate at Mellben (or however you spell it), black pepper crab, butter crab and that noodle-soup crab thing (forgive my ignorance), that was really good! But the portions were way too little, considering how much we paid. The ‘saving dish’ was, in my opinion, the sweet and sour chicken thing.

On another note, I’ve been…having a mixture of feelings lately. Profound joy from the pursuit of Him, the glorious Father. I feel refreshed and excited everytime the word is revealed to me, who would've known, that such power could exist in something that looked so plain? But it's true, God's word is alive. And of course, there's that thing thats been bugging me. I half feel like its...history repeating itself, a happening which somehow always happens with me. I wonder what it is I always do. But I remember this --> New level, new devil. I won't let him distract me. Not when I'm this close. Not when there's so much happening and so much hanging in the balance.

Remember 1st Corinthians 10:13.

Hm, I realize how different I sound now, from the past few posts. Haha. I assure you, I'm still the same old Joel, maybe with a bit more passion, a bit more spirit, a bit more direction. Amen.

2008-01-01T12:59:00.001+08:00

Hmph, sometimes I feel like lashing out at everything around me, displaying what I really think, and feel, and then I am reminded. That I'm just so human, so flawed, and that if I let myself sink so low, I'm no better than someone being destructive, perhaps leaving a message behind...but in order to do so, what means does he employ? What sacrifices must be made? What damage would he leave in his wake? Would it undo all that's been done? Would it be worth it? I doubt it.

Time to be brave, time to endure. Time to be patient, time to control. Time to pray.

Why now, the day before tomorrow, when I should be focused, composed, why am I not? Sigh.

Enter - 2008

2008-01-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year all! It really is amazing isn't it? 2007 has passed, 2008 is here. I can barely believe that a new year has begun. And we're...at the halfway mark of our university life..halfway from donning the status, the role and the responsibilities that we will hold one day. The lives that we'll take hold of, nurture, care for, all that, drawing closer and closer. Hm, the thought of it is both..awe-inspiring..and...downright scary. haha.

Well, we've got each other to hold onto, in times of hardship, in times of need...and friends, I'd like to take this chance to say thank you. For the times that we've shared, the years that've passed. And even though it hasnt been all that long, you've all made an impact in my life, in one way or another. You've helped shape me. Into the person that I am, the doctor that I might become. Hm..sounds so emo. haha.

2007 was a year to remember. And as usual, I can find no words in my mind to describe it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that its 2:45 right now. And a day away from the exam that has held all of us in thrall for the past 2 weeks, or more. Well, all the best for that, my friends. Persevere for one more day.

Contemplative...

2007-11-29T00:07:00.000+08:00

I am suddenly struck by the life that I've been living, and reminded of all the things that I miss, the things that i felt defined me, or at least, demanded so much of my time and effort. I miss the feeling of floating in the pool, feeling so quick and agile, the rush of the game, the beauty of teamwork when it flows so easily, how time slows down when disaster strikes and how it suddenly returns to normalcy when the realization hits you that the danger has passed. I miss having the bigger picture, being able to direct, co-ordinate, support...Heck, I miss my team mates, the times that we shared, the joy and laughter, the bitter taste of defeat and the glory we found even then...just because we held our own against the odds. Those days feel so far away. Hm, fit and tanned vs fat and fair. Ugh. Funny that I should think of all of this while I'm supposed to be studying pharmacology...AND orthopaedics, for the osce this saturday and the CA next tuesday. Ahh, there will always be more studying to be done. Inspiration to blog hardly comes by. haha.

I've forgotten the days when I didn't always think about work. The 'innocence' of youth, haha, innocence from the terrible truth of the never-ending, all-consuming nature of work, left behind, in the dust. I'm plagued with thoughts of work even during our holidays! Which is incredibly stupid, considering how short our holidays are. Hai. I miss those days. When all I thought about was..water polo, computer games, friends and heyheys! Haha. Pharm-inspired nonsense. Ugh, trying to blog and mug concurrently has caused me to lose my train of thought. Oh well, gotta love memories.

Happy Birthday Bean and Christelle!

2007-11-25T00:21:00.001+08:00

Here's a nice bright photo from Bean's birthday party last week...I dont have one from Christelles' dinner tonight, yet, but...Happy 21st Birthday!!! To the both of you.. You've both been lovely friends and a blessing to the people around you. Hope you both had a wonderful day!

Haha, first time I've ever written a combined birthday wish. Hm, well, decided to liven this place up a bit. What better to do it than with a nice colourful photo with happy shiny people? Hm... Feeling a little tongue-tied tonight, ironic that I chose to blog tonight too. Here's a verse to think about...

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Psalm 32 : 7

Here: A passage to deliver the thoughts that are entrenched within my mind, the worries, concerns, the happiness, the sorrow, the words that shouldn't be said, the depths that shouldn't be plunged into, the form that can only be inadequately expressed. There. It's out. If only. If only I were different. Let Him take care of it.

Express.

2007-10-17T19:12:00.000+08:00

This place has become an outlet for me to vent my frustrations. I notice, over the past few posts, that I hardly ever talk about anything happy. Haha, but happiness somehow doesnt correlate with blogging, at least not for me. Happiness makes it so easy to forget that this blog ever existed. Except, of course, when I want to upload photos, and I haven't done that in awhile. Oops. Some birthday photos have been left lingering in my computer.

The end of posting test is just around the corner, I half wish it would just get its ass over here. The other half of me would like for it to stay away longer, for me to read and practice, and for fear that I may not be ready. But for now, I wish it were tomorrow. I hate having the burden of something looming overhead, and we end up building our expectations and fears based on the things that people say, that may or may not be true. Which really doesn't help, because we'll just have to do it anyway, regardless of whatever they throw at us. SO lets get to it already.

The pseudoholiday has been exactly that so far. I've spent it mostly working on irritating cofm, trying to focus on wardwork and presentations and getting some reading done. Hm, I've accepted that its not much of a break, and it may not be fair, but heck, Life is just like that, isnt it? All I can say is this, may the deans office never destroy another medical students holiday like this. We have to appreciate what little we have.

All the best for the end of posting test everyone! And to the lucky half of you in surg, have a good break!

For lack of a better title.

2007-09-24T01:15:00.000+08:00

I promised myself that I'd blog about happier things, hm, and while there are things to be happy about...I've let my mood by clouded over by the unrelenting omnipresent shadow of...the need to mug, essentially because I feel like I know next to nothing. And I keep thinking of chinese speaking patients and approaches to giddiness, because of that thrashing I received on friday. History taking shouldn't be a problem now, its already been 5 weeks of medicine. I suppose my approaches to various symptoms/diseases need some work. Hm. Alright, enough lamenting. Get a grip.

Went down to Bedok reservoir with Li, Joachim and Chiara to watch the wakeboarding world cup finals today. Peng decided to make an appearance too, with a church friend in tow. We probably spent more time standing around sweating than enjoying the show. Coz there wasn't much of a show to watch. In 2 hours, we caught 8 wake-boarders strut their stuff on the water, all the while standing uncomfortably in the hot sun. Reminds me of how I need a tan. I realize I ended up talking more than watching, which was good, in a sense, even if I did miss a lot of the action (and there wasn't much), coz I seriously needed to catch up with some of the meddies outside of TTSH..and have a life.

And tomorrow, another whirlwind week shall begin, another case report due, another visit to my cofm patient, hm. Bleah, acute case of work-always-in-the-brain-disease. Help.

Words fail me

2007-09-20T01:39:00.000+08:00

"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." Matthew 18:18

The above-mentioned verse occupied my thoughts today as I got home. A reminder of a long-standing problem, festering, rotting, eating its way toward destruction. And again, as usual, I brush it off. Transient angst, without the proper response. Maybe it isn't such an issue at all. Maybe I'll regret it when the time comes. Maybe I can't do anything about it anyway.

Ok, well, its been some time since I've paid attention to this place. And no, I haven't always been brooding this way over the past few weeks. Much more the opposite actually. But I still can't help but feel like I always over-think things. Always asking, questioning, speculating, postulating, assuming, imagining - a victim of my own insecurities. Even when I try. Its only trying.

We're our own worst enemies. Or maybe it's just me.

Perspective.

2007-09-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

Thank God for dreams.

Now, if we could only make sense of them.

Argh. Medicine. Time's slipping away.

Status Quo.

2007-08-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

It's such a relief that everything has come back to normal. That's one less undesirable derangement to deal with. And speaking of derangements, I feel like Life, which is dynamic, always in a constant flux of change, can be likened to the body, with so many homeostatic mechanisms set in place. It reveals the fundamental principle that in everything that we are and in everything that we do, each quality or characteristic has some sort of reference range or baseline. Leads me to think about how we're always routinely engaged in the things that we do, or routinely concerned about the things that we are engaged in. Perhaps, because thats how each of us are defined, by our habits and our routines, and how we're willing to take each quality within us, to the limits.

So how does change take place? The change must be gradual, overlapping with that reference range within us to some degree, and slowly, in time, edging itself further into our zone of acceptance, or zone of comfort, until finally, it's so strongly established in us, lying in the box of our lives, and perhaps, broadening our horizons, prompting us to be receptive to further change. And so we adapt.

But if that change does not lie within our acceptable limits, or comes on too quickly, too strongly for it's reception, we tend to reject it. However, there is still the possibility that the initial 'insult', however large or alien it was, will prepare us for future attempts at receiving and adapting to such a change. Hm.

Whoa, ok. Enough of that. I'm gonna make hotdogs for dinner. Yum.

Reprieve.

2007-08-23T19:59:00.000+08:00

Another week passes, another storm strikes, it seems. And I think the worst of it has passed, provided insurance comes up with nothing else to confound or to compound. It was a little difficult, trying to manage these things knowing so little about insurance or repairs or whatever, having to call back and forth to query, clarify and confirm, and while trying to keep my composure, for the purpose of my education.

And all the while I keep thinking, of what God is trying to tell me. What lessons there are to learn. Why all this might have happened. What I did or didn't do, that made a difference. I think I could piece out why.

"Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

Liberation Front.

2007-08-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

Freedom - A state of liberty, an exemption from external control or influence. Also, the state I feel like I'm in right now, albeit transiently. Even the knowledge that only a weekend separates my surgical and medical postings isn't enough to stop me from feeling so. For tonight, even if its just one night, I shall allow myself to be naive, nonchalant, unattached, removed from worry, to feel free. To enjoy today totally. Entirely. I don't think I ever feel this way. I wonder why, now.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.

Tomorrow, I'll pick robbins up again. Tomorrow, I'll think about what's ahead, whats required of me, and the scope of it all. Tomorrow, I'll (I hope) plan how I want to learn, how I want to build a framework and structure for myself, and for the rest of the team. Hm. Let's hope my resolve doesnt dissolve.

Oh, a nice line I came across in my QT: How do we survive as Christians in a rough and tumble world? By showing that - Meekness is not weakness, but strength under control - Steel character covered with velvet.

In other news, I bid farewell to AH today. Didn't get to thank most of our doctors personally, except for Paul. Hm. Another end of another beginning. Alright, my brain function is dropping drastically. Ciao.

A New Creation.

2007-08-17T00:49:00.001+08:00

Time has flown by, and here I am, contemplating the last day of my surgical posting at AH tomorrow. I wonder when it'll hit me, and if I'll miss what AH had to offer, the people, the experiences, its environment, the long-stayers, and the most of all, the few patients who made an impression on me, because of their attitudes against seemingly insurmountable odds. God bless them.

This week started horribly. Anyone who wonders how horrible, may refer to Emily's blog, specifically, her very..hm..descriptive and explicit work of poetry. So yes, AH doesn't offer the best teaching, I really hope I don't end up there again. PLEASE. Especially for ortho, please please please. God help me.

Imagine our shock, when our student co-ordinator, who happens to be a clinician who already didnt rub off very well on most of us, decided to unload a whole load of crap on us on monday. We'd already gone through several changes concerning what was required of us for the posting, and it's not as if we hadn't been asking, that shithole, and the deans office, decided to lay it on us, in the last week of our posting no less. Brilliant.

I won't go through the details here, it'd just infuriate me again. But yeah, that was enough to piss me off for 2 whole days. Then came wednesday, that day of days, it was a complete reversal of mood and attitude. We got to scrub in for an orchidectomy, tried stuff I've never tried before, got all the info I needed for my 2nd case write-up, got assessed by one of the nicest tutors we've ever had(it seemed like a tutorial at times), it was an extremely fulfilling day. All of a sudden, we were in the eye of the storm, that place of greatest calm, after having waded through the thickest bits of it. All the hassle and trouble seemed to be at an end.

And I suddenly felt inspired...and relieved at the same time. But so much for inspiration, coz I really didn't do anything in the hospital today, other than attempt to butter up and draw blood from a young girl my age. Haha. The attempt succeeded by the way, er, for the blood la. Then I thought, and was amazed at the beauty of language (this is COMPLETELY random by the way), and how words seem so magical, and when weaved together into a perfectly intertwined matrix, are able to potray any abstract concept, any complex object, anything, in any way, if we only held the power to wield them appropriately.

It reminded me of my obsession with stories and fantasy. Because words hardly get in the way there, they aren't bound by the physical, or the laws of nature and science, but only by one's imagination and capability. The possibilities are Endless. Thats why I like the concept of the Dream King so much, because in that idea lies all the beauty and power of creativity. The idea that there are no boundaries or limitations in the world of dreams and story, but yet there is structure to the chaos. A hiearchy of sorts, that defines and empowers each of our own desires to contribute to that world, in whatever way we choose to express ourselves.

Alright, thats enough madness for the night. May the last day of AH surg, prove to be one that grants us closure for the 8 weeks that we spent there, being bees to the flowers, clown fish to the corals, students to the patients. Haha. Amen.

Hello. Goodbye.

2007-08-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

" If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects , always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13 : 1-8 (I cut off a bit of 8)

Zip left us today, after being warded at the animal clinic since tuesday. We decided that she'd deteriorated pretty quickly, and was probably too far gone for intervention to be of any help. I saw her yesterday, she could still wag her tail, stand, walk, though she kept her head lowered. Her eyes no longer retained the spark they used to hold. I'd always thought her eyes made her look so human, it was why I talked to her sometimes. They just seemed to breach the barrier that withheld understanding.

She couldn't stand when we saw her today. Not without my propping her up. And even then, she struggled to stay upright. Her hindlegs just gave way. She'd just lay there, motionless, save for her laboured breathing, and her occasional glances to the side. She hardly raised her head to look at us. She was probably too nauseated, or in too much pain. She gave us glimmers of hope, when she attempted to rise, or when propped up, tried to take steps. But she just looked too weak. We didn't want her to suffer.

I almost teared as I watched the vet inject the anaesthetic...and then the excessive dose of some kind of GA to let her go. She was still moving after the LA went in, but I didn't want to complain. Then she lay completely still after the 2nd jab. Thats when it hurt the most. The vet said she'd gone, after listening to her heart. I tried closing her eyes, but they wouldn't stay closed. We stood there for awhile, silent and in thought, hoping we'd done the right thing. Well, at least she's no longer suffering.

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I was driving home from church today. And I saw something extremely strange. I was in the right-most lane, and just on my right would be the road divider, with the standard green fence, and some hedges around it. So yeah, I was driving, and I saw, a girl, sitting in the hedges, on the edge of the divider, her feet and knees just inches away from the cars that passed her by. She looked like she was on the phone. Heck I dont even know why I'm talking about this, it was just incredibly weird. Maybe she needed help, if not physically, emotionally. I wonder what would make a person sit in that most precarious of positions, exposing herself to dangers just inches away. I wonder how long she was sitting there. Hm.

Hopes and Fears.

2007-08-10T02:01:00.000+08:00

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10: 23-25

Hm..Words escape me tonight.

Vietshots.

2007-08-04T01:31:00.000+08:00

Us at the budget terminal. Em, guess who took this for us. Haha

Our first dinner in Hanoi
One of the many Pagodas in Vietnam + sweltering heat = No no.

Caves at Perfume Pagoda, this rock represented prosperity, I think.

The spread at Pane e Vino! 7USD italian all-u-can-eat, which wasn't bad.

We got used to crossing the road in those conditions. Just don't make any sudden moves.

Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum, where we were amazed at the crowds, and as usual, entertaining ourselves with our cameras.

Ditto.

Amazed by tracks in the middle of nowhere.

The Temple of Literature,i realize, im not showing much of it. haha.

There.

Our hilarious cyclos ride, yup, I'm on Zj. hahaha.

Fastfood, with nice ice cold drinks, and nicer door girls.

Halong Bay

Ahem. Their proud Phallic symbol.

An overview of the Halong Caves.

New found friends. Guess who zj "likes"?! Hahaha.

Ho Chi Minh's high school. You can tell I'm getting a bit tired of this.

Graduation shots

Ok, thats all for now folks!

Thoughts in Verse.

2007-07-28T15:33:00.000+08:00

" Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7: 7-8

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.......Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6: 25,27

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7: 1-2

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and ____." Matthew 6: 24

I seem to like Matthew today.

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally. brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. " Philippians 4: 4-8

Moved. In more ways than one.

2007-07-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry this has taken me so long to post! It's not a reflection of how grateful I am to all those wonderful friends who appeared at AH, hiding under the concierge, with my birthday cake, a lovely card and presents!! Coz I really am greatly touched, I've never had friends who've done that sorta thing for me before, I mean, going to the hospital late at night, regardless of where you stay, waiting for half an hour or more for me, and resorting to amusing yourselves with whatever was around at the lobby (haha), even when there's school the next day, after a long day of clinics (I should know), and managing to con me to get me out of my next-to-favouritest place in the hospital. Thats quite a feat. And it shouldn't go unnoticed, not because it was a celebration of my birthday, but because it's a reflection of how friendships like yours should be treasured, and treasure them I will. These next few pictures posted here are in honour of the lovely friends I have, who went WAY out of their way, to make my nightcall/birthday, the best and most memorable in my life. I owe you guys.

That's 13 people under there, I think, at least when I saw them. haha.

An amazed/stunned me.

I couldn't stop smiling.

My two call buddies, Su and Hon, who succeeded in conning me.
With a little help from baos and eugene of course.

Ok I realize there are more photos of me than of them,
but it's still a tribute to them!!

Thanks for the photos Huilin! And also to Li and Marcus, for being there!
My thanks, of course, extends to everyone else too.

A Great BIG Thank You to everyone who made that day so special for me, and
also to those who couldn't make it, but dropped me a msg.
My mouth was cramping by then, I tell you.

On a side note, I really HAVE moved to my new place. Hence the...delay in posting this up. Hm, We're slowly settling in..unpacking and rearranging everything to suit us. I'll miss my home of 21 years. Moving house is tiring work.

Good ol' 32. Home of my childhood, and more.

+10s = -$200

2007-07-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

"Joel! Save your adrenaline!" said Honlyn, who went on to say that I was visibly shaken/riled up by a mere conversation about my impending ippt later in the afternoon. Apparently, my left facial vein pops out when I get a little...anxious, how embarrassing! I HOPE, I hope, that my facial vein behaves itself in the hospital in front of our doctors and patients (as well as any other signs that I might display with my unease)... And that Hon is just really good at reading me. Imagine me trying to draw blood from a patient, who might be observant enough to spot my unpracticed hands (which isnt hard really), AND a throbbing left facial vein. Ah well, can't do anything about it, can I?

But I'll cut to the chase, the whole point of this latest entry, the impetus which has roused me from my non-bloggerophilic stupor (imagine that), is the fact that I just squandered a chance to win myself $200 more, all for a short duration of 10 seconds. Ippt was going fine, William and I OWNED all the stations prior to the 2.4 run. And then we ran. I felt a little weak/light headed doing a light jog just before the run, which isnt much of an excuse, just a likely piece of evidence that I'm not yet up to par. I mean, I remember almost always having butterflies in my stomach at the start line, but today was worse than that. Running that pace didnt feel liberating, I felt heavy, slow, sick, and out of breath really quickly. It didn't feel like a 9 minute pace, and sure enough, it wasn't, by...erm..quite a bit of time actually.

Alright, I'm done griping, I wouldve griped more if I got to the computer faster, but I feel resigned to this fate. A 25-point silver. 9.24. Sad. I even entertained thoughts of re-taking the test, just to be 10s faster. Ugh. So anyway, my results, stupid stupid stupid.

And I know, I'm supposed to post Vietnam pictures! But Clinics have been killing me, and I've just been too lazy. They'll be up....soon! Time to turn in.

Hm. Ivy.

2007-07-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

Love this song, think they made the video on a low budget though. Hope they'll remake it.

Another great song by ivy. Feel so free. I don't think they made a music video. I don't even watch csi.

By the way, Transformers totally rocked. I'd vote it movie of the year. Even if it doesnt have much of a story line. And even though the year hasnt even ended. Go watch it twice, at least.

Vietnam poof

2007-06-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

I always get these bouts of inspiration to write whenever I'm not at the computer, and when I finally get here, they almost always dissipate, going to some nether region in my mind. Fleeting thoughts locking themselves in, only revealing themselves after I leave the computer. It's almost as if my frontal lobe is mocking me, daring me to attempt to write, and then withholding everything I wanted to put down. In case you havent realized, this is a long-winded excuse/explanation for why I'm not gonna say much about Vietnam.

It's good to be back home, even though 10 days in Vietnam wasn't too long, but it was...in it's own way, uncomfortable enough to make us miss Singapore. At least certain elements of it were. Take the weather for example, the weather SUCKED, everyone perspires the moment they leave their room, suffers that dirty-sticky feeling the whole day until we get back to the hostel, makes bathing truly glorious. Bad weather also contributed to increased irritability, at least for me la. So, yep, hope I didn't take it out on anyone else too much!

I was really starting to miss home towards the end of the trip, even though Saigon had its appeal and I enjoyed walking along its streets, exploring the city and taking in the sights and sounds. If I had to go back to Vietnam, I'd definitely revisit the place. But 'Home' just called out to me, tugged at my heart strings, and told me I needed to spend more time in my sanctuary, away from all the action, away from work, so i could let my guard down, and just be around the people and places I'm most comfortable with. Thats not to say that I wasnt with good company in Vietnam, because I can't think of a better group of meddies to go with!

Well, home just has its magic, doesnt it? But when I got home, that magic let me down. Everything I missed in Vietnam, was nowhere to be found when I set foot in my house, hm.. maybe not everything. I'm not even sure how to explain what I was expecting. A blend of emotions and comforts that ended up being revealed as the monotony and reality of my life.A deception of the heart and mind, engineered by myself. Makes you wonder how you can trust your own senses/feelings. Reminds me of a subnick of yours, Lois. Haha. Everyones trusting their hearts like their hearts don't lie.

My rooms still not completely packed, zips hair hasnt grown back fully, Mom's still working tirelessly at home and exhibits signs of...exhaustion and irritability, Dad's going for ANOTHER op, I wish there was another way, hmm.. And then there's school, which I think is the greatest underlying factor for all this melancholy-ness. Worry, worry, gotta stop worrying. Alright. I've rambled long enough. Wish the holidays didn't disappear like that. Gotta learn to appreciate things more.

Nostalgia Overload

2007-06-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

Packing up all the nonsense in my room has taken me far too long. I really need to be heartless in order to be efficient. I always end up looking through every single item before deciding whether to put it in the "keep" pile, the "discard" pile or the..."i'll decide later" pile. Found all the old cards and letters and stuff that I've received over the years. It was particularly difficult selecting which ones to hold onto, just to relive the memory, perhaps, the next time i clean my room, and go through every little thing all over again. It really felt like a leap back in time, reading those words, remembering those people, reminiscing past phases in my life...Alright, I'm rambling.

Anyway, I realize there's quite a lot of change going on in my life right now. Shifting house, the dog, erm..alright, I guess it's mainly moving house, packing the house is a pain. Anyway, just for the fun of it, here's a few photos of zippy lim aka zip, moments before she was shaved of all her glory.

And oh, I just remembered, the photos of zip are more than just for fun.

Camera-shy Zippy wouldnt stay still for a picture...

Until she got into the cage, and when she didn't know we were taking a picture, it's almost like she knows.

This is a CALL to all dog-lovers, Zip is about 11-12 years old now, she's a japanese spitz, been spayed since..pretty long ago, she's cute, loving and next to harmless, coz she's really quite scared of people sometimes, a lot of bark, and no bite. Here's the thing: Zip needs a new home. She needs a garden, space to run and roam free, and a gate to squeeze in and out of when she wants to gallivant around the neighbourhood like she does right here, ok maybe not. So...Zip can't really follow us to our new home, because we won't have all of that. This is a call : To anyone who will be willing to care for her. I think she's got more than a few years in this world to go. She had a tick problem, and we just recently dealt with that by getting her shaved and bathed in anti-tick chemicals, as well as spraying the garden with that same stuff, the groomer told me that she'd grow a nice new coat of fur in about 2 months. So, yeah, her glory will soon be restored!

Anyway, random photos from over the holidays...

Happiness Monday at Ian's

Emily fails, very badly i might add, to conceal her face.

Ok, lazy to think of what else to blog about. Ciao.

The End of the Beginning

2007-06-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

Another slightly overdue post, which I meant to put up on Friday. Better late than never eh. So... CSFC has ended. 6 weeks past, and we're another rung up the ladder. Another milestone in our medical education. Amazing how much we crammed in within 6 weeks, coz it sure does feel like we had to learn quite a bit of stuff. Build our confidence, our awareness, our technique, and hopefully, some knowledge too. And especially for me, improving my languages (I'm still working on chinese, so give me a break alright.)

Anyway, this is a shout out to the 3 people I'd spent most of my time with in CSFC: Andrew, Weili and Christelle! I wasn't sure what to expect when I found out that I'd been cut off from Emily and Suriya for our medicine tutorials. I was a little apprehensive of course, being an 'outsider', it'd be so easy to just...stay in a corner by myself and sulk, since I didn't know you guys very well. But I must say that you guys made it so easy for me to be a part of you. I really enjoyed working with you guys, and all the times we shared laughs and exchanged..er..info.. over lunch...and our little 'celebratory' lunch at that italian/indian/fusion food place just outside of SGH. Even when there was a little tension among us, it was easy to approach one another and iron out the differences. And of course, thanks for all the help whenever we had non-English speaking patients to clerk, and for looking out for English speaking patients for me too. Haha.

I'll miss our marvel vs capcom duels, jacking and getting jacked, by er...ALL of you, and especially, Weili's polycartoon antics, Andrew's pathology spouting sessions and Christelle's..hm..pro-typed-out-notes and rides! I hope we'll get posted to the same hospital in future..and I'm looking forward to working with all of you some time...Ok, I'd better stop myself before I get any more mushy than this. So..thanks again guys. It was an experience I hope I'll never forget.

Now, we have 3 weeks of holidays ahead of us. Vietnam beckons. Wakeboarding/cable skiing as well, among other things. Time to catch up on reading. And of course, I need to pack more for the inevitable move later this month. I'll miss this place. It's been..21 years. Spent most of Vesak Day and today packing stuff in my room and helping mom bubblewrap all the glassware and other cutlery. I'm a bit averse to wrapping stuff now.

Another random piece of info for anyone who wants to go shopping, I think I've been bitten by the shopping bug. A lot of my stuff is getting way too old and worn out, and needs replacing! I've got some other things I want to buy as well, purely on a 'want' basis. Only limiting factor now is money, then again, isn't it always? But I usually can't be bothered to go shopping. This is a rare occasion. Better get to it while it lasts. Haha, alright. Enough rambling from me.

Untitled

2007-06-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

An overdue post from last week, when I was talking to some friends from church. My cell group, specifically. Having a cell group has it rewards, apart from all the intangible things we learn from each other, they've taught me how to juggle, and now, how to solve a rubiks cube. Sorta. I'm still getting there. Anyway, an excerpt of a conversation we had:

Friend 1: "Whoa, that ah lians bf joined the msn convo and started scolding me all sorts of things la. F*** you, KNN CCB, etc etc...."

Friend 2: "KNN? Why KNN? Isn't that the news network?"

The rest of us: *hoots of laughter*

Haha. The joys of cell group. Even if they're that ignorant/innocent. I wish they were more innocent though.

"What a man!"

2007-05-27T01:17:00.000+08:00

So I was told, as Dr ABC pressed the er...ultrasound probe against my pubic symphysis, and 5 other meddies looked at the screen, revealing my prostate, measuring 12cm across. Of course, he was merely mocking me, he told me later that it was average in size. Which is good, since I'm way too young to have benign prostate hypertrophy. Urology tutorial started out as a drag, coz Dr ABC was so stern and behaved as if we weren't there. And we waited around for an hour or so until he opened up and decided to show us a thing or two. Of course, our assigned tutor for the day was kinda amusing and just..really really nice. He kept joking and almost treated us like friends, but then, he was in the other room, with the other cg. Apparently, he was very aware of my cg's "predicament" with Dr ABC, and joked with the others bout it.

So we got to try our hand at ultrasound. The others had fun smearing conduction jelly on me, over my flanks, right and left lumbar regions, over my heart as well (where we could see my heart valves opening and closing) ..and of course, over my pubic region. Thank goodness they didnt go any lower. The doctor suggested scoping me too, it'd be a cold day in hell before I agree to that. And all the while, poor Brenda and Sherlyn were stuck in clinic with a certain prof, who happens to be an examiner for mbbs exams, so that might put things in their favour if they managed to give him a good enough impression that lasts 3 more years.

In a slightly pensive mood tonight, thinking thoughts that shouldn't be said, feelings that shouldn't be revealed, at least not here. Feel like nothing's coming out the way I want it to anyway. Hm. Oh well, I tried. Blogs have limited usefulness.

To View A Man In His World.

2007-05-26T00:32:00.000+08:00

5 weeks have passed, CSFC is coming to an end, CG's will change, but most of all, VIETNAM, here we come! As usual, I've been...lazy to blog. Life has been interesting, clinics intriguing, patients...well...there are both extremes.

Take today for example, we thought to go to school early to do some clerking, since we'd been pretty slack the entire week. Veni, vidi, vici, it wasn't. Everyone we went to either wasnt there, didnt want to talk to us, was having breakfast, had relatives with them, you get my drift. All that = we couldn't take their history or perform a physical exam. So we finally got one patient who was nice enough to talk to us, though he did have this look on his face, which suggested the regret he felt for not being blunt enough to turn us down. We sure didn't expect what was coming. We'd thought we got our history-taking act together so we were fairly confident, but this patient was a reminder that we're still 5 clinic-week old students, with immense gaps in our knowledge, and basically, babies in need of guidance, apprentices in training.

His history was so complex and convoluted, we lost track of the structure we usually had, got thrown off track several times, only to bounce back and beyond. And at the end of it all, it was all a blur. His is certainly a story worth mentioning, what with diabetes, hypertension, ischaemic heart disease, gout, nephrotic syndrome, arthritis, hypercholesterolaemia, etc etc. His physical exam ( we did a cardiac exam ) revealed few signs. That really didnt help. And we walked away from the patient, feeling worse than when we began. It wasn't a very encouraging start for the day, especially since we thought we'd be enthu today.

So on we went to look for more patients, received a few more rejections along the way, fraying my patience even more. And my temper flared up at the worst possible moment, why it was the worst moment...you'll soon find out. We went to check out a patient with cvs signs, maybe listen to a murmur, and when we got there, she wasnt in bed. And her name was off the board, so maybe she was discharged. I was totally put off by everything by then, and displayed my anger to my two companions, for which, I apologize. We didnt even have her name, but decided to ask the counter if she'd been transferred to a different ward. We found out she'd passed away this morning. My anger immediately dissipated, and I thought, shit, what the hell was i thinking? How could I've been so self-centred? And I silently berated myself, for being angry, concerned only with being able to learn, and forgetting that we're there to care first, even if we havent learned how to, in a sense.

I'm not sure if I could call that my first brush with death in the hospital. That lady wasn't someone I knew, not someone I'd spoken to, or even seen before. I wasn't emotionally attached to her, I wasn't involved with her treatment and management, I'd never had any form of contact with her before. She was just a number to me, just another case to learn from, I'd forgotten that these people can pass on from their ailments. And I hated myself for it. For allowing myself to think that way, it's only been 5 weeks. We have to remember what we're there for, forget all the challenges we face, our trials and tribulations, our hurdles, and remember all the trials our patients go through, because its their lives that we're dealing with. Sure, our lives are intertwined with their own, in some ways, and it's so easy to fall into a world filled with our own concerns and issues, but we're there, for them. And I pray that God will never let me forget that. To never forget compassion, empathy, to always possess a will to do the best I can.

Insurance Tactics

2007-05-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

Something fairly amusing happened to me today as I was leaving Junction 8, went to return some library books and I was on the way back to the car. I was walking through the foyer in between the two entrances to Junction 8, where several AIA-shirt garbed insurance agents stood watch, waiting to sink their teeth into unknowing victims. I decided I wouldnt be one of them, but I made the mistake of accidentally making eye contact with one of the agents, and you know that feeling you get when you see someone with 'that' form of intent approaching you, oh shit. So he asked for a minute of my time, to which I responded, "Sorry, no thanks.". I didnt even slow down. THEN, he said, "Wow, Sir. Your voice is so husky! VERY nice!". That took me by surprise, the things these people do nowadays, to get someone's attention. Haha, maybe it was sincere, or maybe it was a shock tactic meant to slow me in my tracks, just enough for him to latch on. Too bad it didnt work! Ahaha, I offered my thanks, and went on my way.

No Trophies for Show.

2007-05-05T12:07:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since I last paid attention to this place, not for the lack of anything exciting happening, but rather, the lack of interest in writing/expressing myself. (Read: Tired of blogs/blogging) I shall attempt to summarize the events that have taken place since my last entry.....and beyond that, if I can recall.

16th April: I went wakeboarding with Zj, Christine, Hazel and Karen. Discovered that jumping doesn't rely so much on the "push" from your legs, but instead, depends on the angle and speed of your approach towards the wake, when you cross it from outside to inside. Zj and I managed to do a few hops/jumps here and there, just managing to clear the water. The first time I tried it, I recklessly plowed into the wake at a near 90 degree angle, went up..well, what felt like was 'high' to me, and crashed spectacularly, with my left foot out of the binding, the board hanging from my right leg. Can't wait to go a 3rd time!

Hm..what else did I do during the break? What I recall most vividly are the late nights spent online and gallivanting thru the world of faerun in neverwinter nights. Alright, we go on.

23rd April: Embarked on the next phase of our medical education, it was one heck of a boring day full of lectures which put everyone to sleep or made them moody. Thank God we only have 1 lecture day a week from now on. In all honesty, the first week of CSFC was terrible for me. If not for the kindness of several seniors who I barely knew, or didnt know, I wouldn't have learned anything at all. Tutors at SGH are either too busy/slack to pay much attention to medical students, especially m2s in e-clinics, since we know next to nothing and the learning curve is so steep. Our surgery tutor was too busy in clinics to give us a tutorial, so we stood behind him as he saw patients..for almost 2 hours, before giving up. And with his blessings too. Here's a re-enactment :

Dr XXX: I know how boring it can be for you guys, it must feel like a complete waste of time, why don't you go gallivanting? I'd do that if I were you.

Me: But don't we need a doctor to be around when we go around the wards and talk to patients?

Dr XXX: Wards? No, I meant, go watch a movie or shopping or something.

All of us: -Stunned looks-.

After which, we quickly took the chance to take our leave. Part of the reason I stayed that long in the first place, was coz he was from acs too. Haha, it fired the spark in me to try to learn a bit more. But he was just too busy. Oh well. Too lazy to elaborate more bout our interesting first experience with Dr XXX.

25 and 26th April: Celebrated Hon's birthday! I still have yet to upload photos from the dinner at P.S. Cafe. I think I look very..erm...bad in most of them. haha. But, I WILL upload them, after some editing. hahahaha. Thanks again Hon, for the lovely desserts! Glad you were surprised the next day (hope you really were) and hope you like the bag! Haha.

30th April to 4th May: Week 2 of CSFC. If only our lecturers in M1 and M2 were like the first 3 on Monday, they were damn interesting and entertaining. Had our first tutorials on wednesday, which somehow inspired me (alright, I sound like a geek, I know) to study harder, even hearing things like other groups having to read 3-4 chapters of Talley in the first week didnt spur me on (while I didnt touch Talley at all, particularly coz I didnt have it yet). And so I've been trying to read Talley...but I havent really clerked many patients yet, a few as a group, not even one...by myself that is. And when I mention that little bit of info to some, they balk and give me wide-eyed stares, as if checking if I'm really a classmate of theirs. So here's where I feel a little pressured, coz they start relating stories of people clerking 20 patients, filling up notebooks with notes and patient stickers, stories of sacrifice and determination, skipping lunch to clerk patients?!!? Staying in the hospital from 730 to 9. Ugh, I shall not go on. I still have my fear to get over. Until then, my notebook remains stickerless..and without evidence of my having learned anything this past 2 weeks. Lets hope week 3 gets better. And that God blesses me with a silver tongue, able to spout chinese/dialect like my talented cg mates, to sweep all the patients off their feet and 'encourage' them to tell me everything I'd need, for a history. Amen.

And you thought it was over.

2007-04-21T02:42:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER: Erm. For those who liked The 300 trailer as much as I did, which probably means, no one.

HAHA, I found this randomly on youtube. It's quite well done. So amusing. Ok, I've been lazy to blog. Ciao.

Freedom for the Lost.

2007-04-16T02:43:00.000+08:00

So. Pros have come and gone. *Poof* And here we stand, eagerly anticipating the next stage of our lives, perhaps? Clinics: Where we might remain forever and ever, no longer decked out in berms and slippers, t shirts and singlets, making the transition from pseudo- to real-patients, real lives in front of us, and in time to come, in our hands. And as always, eager for some purpose/direction, because it's just TOO weird to be SO free now, after having had to mug day and night, for most of m2. Somehow, I've gotten used to the idea that I won't have holidays anymore, and that makes this week magical. Even when I'm not going anywhere, not really doing anything exciting, not particularly being a social butterfly (not that I am,really), and even if this freedom is so short-lived, I appreciate it. Just for the chance to be myself again, to re-organize/re-calibrate/recuperate/refresh./release. My room needs cleaning. Haha. Alright, neverwinter beckons.

Little Things That Aren't So Little.

2007-03-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

THIS

is part of the reason why I took more than 4 hours to study miscellaneous viruses. Well I can't blame her entirely, can I? Who could? Especially when she calls out for "Uncle Joey!" from outside the room and knocks on the door, before opening the door to come in to play, pointing out various objects for me to take for her to scrutinise and name (if she knows) and asking me to do things like wear my hat, which she says is too big, when I put it on her.

Just before her bath, she came in to take pictures of me on her Pooh Bear Camera, so I thought I'd return the favour, but she ended up taking a few self shots too, a narcissist in the making, at a young and tender age no less. Mom says she just likes my room, and maybe she does, or the air-con when its turned on, but I'm glad to spend some time with my niece coz she's growing up so quickly, and what kind of uncle would I be otherwise? Locked away,absorbed with microbes as opposed to playing with my favourite (and only) niece? That wouldn't be right.

And so we decided to photowhore a little more. After all, I was a little tired of showing her the same few trinkets every time she came in (quite a few times, believe me). She laughs every time I let her listen to the tuning fork, and she loves playing with the little yellow stress ball that came with my 'M1 mole' orientation package, which incidentally, would be untouched and dusty, if not for her. Not to say that I'm not stressed. She was more engrossed in the LCD than in her own reflection this time, I couldnt get her to look at the mirror.

So I tried a different approach, and it worked. Only it reveals me in my absolute scruffiness, and the goatee that still hasnt disappeared yet, but will, soon. And there she looks -almost- straight into the camera, probably a little distracted by her reflection, adorable as ever. All the while, she kept calling out for Pooh Bear, indicating her camera, I suppose she wanted to take a few photos on hers instead of mine.

Drifting

2007-03-26T02:04:00.000+08:00

The only video I could find on youtube. Sarah Mclachlan's Drifting.
Ignore the last 2 minutes!

You've been gone so long all that you know
has been shuffled aside as you bask in the glow
of the beautiful strangers who whisper your name
do they fill up the emptiness?

Larger than life is your fiction
In a universe made up of one
You have been drifting for so long
I know you don't want to come down
Somewhere below you, there's people who love you
And they're ready for you to come home
Please come home
You walk in a room and the world stops to stare
Mesmerize all who are caught in the glare
Of the spotlight that follows wherever you go
Does it light up the emptiness?

Larger than life is your fiction
In a universe made up of one
You have been drifting for so long
I know you don't want to come down
Somewhere below you, there's people who love you
And they're ready for you to come home
Please come home

1) You sound like you're half dead.

2007-03-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

Which is what someone told me on the phone early in the morning several days back. Coz I'm really not one for mornings, especially when I have to get up to a table full of notes waiting for me to commit them to memory, if it were possible. And I kinda feel like that now, half dead I mean, since I just spent the entire night on Herpes, which really IS forever, coz that's exactly how long I felt it took. Ultimate brain-drain.

2) I've been having strange dreams of late, an amalgation of people from so many aspects of my life, dumped into the landscape of my subconscious, melding into one heck of a wild goose chase, in just 15 minutes of sleep (that's how long my nap was). What's really strange is that I could remember everything in the entire dream. I even knew when I was about to wake up, I was struggling to stay asleep, so that I could continue in the dream, but the pull of consciousness was too strong. Exiting the dream felt like taking a step backward into reality, and the memories, if you could call a dream a memory, were all there.

3) Ok I'm being absolutely random. Post-mugging trauma. Blame Herpes, MMR, Ortho/paramyxoviruses. Anyway, if anyone wanted to know. There was this one Spartan warrior (haha) who actually fought naked in battle, glistening in his glorious, superhuman physique, where even his foes were amazed at him, and all those in his way fell where they stood. Sounds like something akin to the movie perhaps? Haha. He was Isadas, son of Phoebidas, and to be fair, he only did it once, I think. He rushed from his home, butt-naked, freshly anointed in oil, with a spear in one hand, his sword in the other, to the defense of a Sparta in peril. The Thebans were besieging their wall-less city (which was a source of pride to them actually). Isadas forced his way through the ranks of his fellow Spartans and threw himself at the enemy, slaying every foe who stood against him. Miraculously, he came out of the battle unscathed, with the Thebans repelled, and the council crowned him for his feat of valour, then they fined him 1000 drachmas because he dared to risk fighting without armour. Just some trivia from Plutarch.

4) A vision of hotness courtesy of Li. Haha. Haley Bennett. Oh yeah. Alright, this is still a blog, not some XXX site. So I've refrained from putting the REALLY HOT picture of her. Guys, what's google for? You won't regret it, Haha!

5)On another note, don't watch Pathfinder. It doesn't make a lot of sense. All it did was make me want to read wikipedia about vikings. And oh, Viking helmets didnt have horns. Just more trivia for you.

The Victory Song.

2007-03-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

Sigur Ros' Hoppipolla. Thanks for the song Rous! Don't you think the bit at the end sounds just like you're...triumphant? I wasnt too far off when I said that to Rous, my evidence being the video, specifically- the end of it.

Rou an: Send me MORE music.

On to other things. I'm presently considering if I need to change my look. Not that I really consciously keep at it, other than not shaving the goatee. Sunday morning saw a pair of little Boy's Brigade boys approaching me, clutching tightly in their hands one of those you-dont-want-to-see-very-much donation cards. I shouldn't have walked in front of my cell group. They looked at me imploringly, and asked nicely (which is what snared me), if I would like to donate to them. I couldn't find it in myself to say no, so I looked into my wallet, pulled out a 2 dollar note, and gave it to the boy who asked. Once the signing was done, he said," Thanks UNCLE! " and scurried off, the way little boys do, leaving me with this blank look on my face, and my cell members laughing behind me. I felt like taking my money back.

Today, I went to Sharon's 21st birthday party and was sitting with all the other youth from church. They'd gotten some girl to guess the guys ages since she didnt know any of us. She's obviously young and inexperienced, with respect to guessing older guys' ages that is. Alright, to be fair, everyone's ages she'd guessed were all within 2 years of the mark. When it came to my turn, she said I looked 30. This was met with a huge outburst of laughter from everyone else. wth. And when queried why (not by me anyway), she said that I look like I've fathered two children. wth. I happen to like having a goatee. Or at least I've grown used to it. It can't possibly make me look 30!?! Just wait a few more weeks, when we start clinics, that'll be the end of it.

I keep forgetting who sent me what. But I like this song too. Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead.

I'm alive.

2007-03-14T02:12:00.000+08:00

In case anyone was wondering, just been lazy to blog as usual. Not for the lack of activities perhaps, but probably for fear of saying anything coz almost anything I mention nowadays is bound to involve just a little info bout Spartans. Haha. It's been my greatest hobby of late, inspired by you-all-should-know. And yes, all of you probably have too much of Spartans by now, including their 1800 abs. So I shan't go into much further into it.

Went for NUS biathlon with Sam, a church friend of mine, who asked me to swim coz she cant. I didnt think it'd be that bad. But it was. Initially it was fine, my wave was the same as the womens sprint event ( 750m swim and 5k run) and there weren't many other guys swimming at that wave (doing the mixed relay, like myself). So there I was, sprinting from the start, ahead of the pack for 200m. ONLY 200m, and then the first girl overtook me. I thought, wth, heck, I havent been training, its ok. And then the next girl passed. Then I thought, Ok shit, they look like theyre having an easy time. It didnt help that I wasnt swimming straight at all, in fact, I was doing all my passer-bys a favour by zig-zagging my way thru that 750m stretch of water. In all, I think 5-6 girls overtook me, no guys.

I only realized how spent I was when I stood up at the shore, I reeled from exerting myself, almost losing my balance in the process, almost falling backwards into the water. Imagine how embarrassing that wouldve been. Well, I was just a few metres behind a girl, and who wouldve known, she was in the mixed relay too. So I made 2nd position for the swim portion of the mixed relay, 3 seconds behind a girl. Was a little sore about that for a short while. Haha. And that would've meant that, ALL the other girls who overtook me, went on to run 5k more. Something I probably wouldve died doing in that state of exhaustion. Unfit, yes. Ashamed, yes. I know. I tried running today, only to get rained on 7 minutes into the run, which means, quite some distance from my house. Thankfully, it stopped halfway, so my shuffle didnt get too wet.

What else have I been doing....Oh yes, Spartans. I watched The 300 twice. But wait, before you think I'm mad, though I'm really quite nutso over them, I only went the 2nd time with my dad coz he was gonna end up watching alone, until my mom decided to come along at the last minute. Other than that, I've been at home, reading, cleaning my room, ok this is getting boring. Now you know why I haven't been blogging. I can't seem to recall any more exciting things. Haha, oh yes, rollerblading. Which isnt particularly exciting, unless you include two highly excitable people, who entertain you through out with their shenanigans. Haha, especially when we tried to cross the road. Shouldve taken more photos. Haha. I shan't post the photos to protect their identities. Then again, I think they've already posted photos on their blogs. Haha. Heck. Right, enough said.

Absolute Pig-ka

2007-03-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

Spent most of the day in Neverland. Tucked underneath my blanket, my consciousness wandering the pastures and foothills of Dream. Can't quite remember where I'd gone, it all slipped away when I spent enough time awake. But I do recall paying a visit to a friends dream home, where she showed me her works of art, and I realized that her house seemed just like mine, and then I woke up. It was one of those moments I found it really hard to open my eyes, like my brain had confused its neural signals and couldnt figure out what I wanted. I got up, from an afternoon nap by the way, tried to read about nematodes, and decided that I wasnt going anywhere with worms, and went back to sleep. Alright, I really can't remember what else happened in my head.

Happy Birthday Ibrahim!

Anyway, we celebrated Ibrahim's 23rd birthday yesterday, at a very smelly Swensens at holland village, I was pretty happy with my mega-burger, and I'd influenced others to order the same thing too. Hahaha. I think they all enjoyed it. Caught the pursuit of happyness after that, quite a touching show really, a display of the effectiveness of sheer tenacity...Oh well, didnt do much after that. Think the rain kinda spoilt yesterday. At least we're done with 3 papers. Finding it hard to push myself for mb now.

Eugene being extra.

A very Happy Bra.

Wasted dinner.

2007-02-23T02:15:00.000+08:00

Sakura is the worst jap buffet I've ever been to in my life. Ok, worst buffet I've ever been to as well. There was NOTHING good there to speak of. Period.

Birthday Photos!

2007-02-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

Overdue photos coz I'm lazy. Courtesy of Kenrick.

With the Birthday Girl and Kenrick

Yep.

"Dong Dong" Cheang

All hail the Queen.

Bean bums!

Kenrick and Suriya

Random rants

2007-02-17T02:30:00.000+08:00

Something occured to me in the shower today, thoughts spurred more thoughts, and there I was. -I'd just gotten back from Sharline's 21st celebration. Happy Birthday once again Sharline! If you ever read this. Thanks for having us!- I started thinking about my family, what we're like..and the things that my upbringing encouraged. The principles we're bred to embrace, mindsets we learned to cultivate. Perhaps it was more of my brothers influence on me, I'm not entirely sure right now. But I think I only realized it during my time in ns. I'll never forget what Sush said to me over dinner, because it hurt, it disappointed, it made me regret not doing whatever it is I could have, to prevent it. It made me realize why I hated ns so much, even though a part of me would've even...enjoyed it...somehow. Ok, maybe not enjoy, but aspired to excel. I realized that ns stole a part of me away, and I need to get it back. I wonder how, because right now, I'm already me, and I dont't know how I'd ever change that.

Today, yesterday and the day before.

2007-02-11T00:44:00.000+08:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
- Matthew 11:28

And other things:
IFG bowling, which I foolishly agreed participating in, was an amusing experience. It was a glimpse into the world of bowling I never knew about, haha. Almost ended up bowling the Men's Singles, all part of the grand plan of course, nothing to do with my prowess, but rather, the lack of it. Fortunately for me, that plan didnt stick very long, Marcus was quickly roped in to relieve me of my 'sacrifice'. Ended up bowling the Men's Doubles. I must say, I felt awfully conscious of everything once I stepped up in front of the lane. Especially since I'd just been watching the 3 bowlers in front of me getting strikes or spares, rather easily, not forgetting their confidence, composure, their...bearing, etc, all of which I don't particularly possess.

Haha, at least our doubles team wasn't last! Med came in 4th as a fac, which was a pity, after all, we had Valerie Teo to clinch the Women's Singles. Had a much better time just talking to people. Especially over lunch and all. It would've been more entertaining if I weren't so sleepy though. Still am, right now. Time to hit the sack.

Lost, but Found.

2007-02-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

I feared todays' coming for quite a while. Both consciously AND unconsciously. And it didn't really hit me so strongly till last night. Genetics came and went in the blink of an eye, save for a few minor grieviances about anal language, which was quickly forgotten once I tucked into Superdog at Vivocity for the first time. Tried a bacon chilli cheese melt, I think. The sausage was good, the bacon even better, and the chilli, excellent. Well, it was all good, except that it was a little pricey, for a hotdog and a meal. Though I must say I felt a little better once I found out everyone else had spent almost as much as I had at Food Republic for lunch. Haha. Oops.

Well, the rest of the afternoon was pretty aimless, walking around Vivocity, exploring and getting lost, looking for a suitable movie time but finding none, looking for spartans in Pageone, an unopened doughnut shop which opens tomorrow, and some other things here and there. A present's one of them. Didnt do much to psyche me up for tonight. Well, maybe I didnt need it.

I must say that, I'd been apprehensive about facing SMU in the pool this year. After what happened a year ago, I didnt dare to keep my hopes up. I didnt figure that it was all a defense mechanism within me, subduing my hopes, so I wouldnt be disappointed with the outcome. And I have to apologize for my attitude towards it all this year, didnt train with the team properly until just about a month back. I just didnt have it in me. Somehow. I wonder how it couldve been different, if we had done otherwise, if I had done otherwise. I didn't realize how much I wanted to win this time. I'd been deceiving myself all along.

But we found it within ourselves tonight, to make a comeback. With inadequate training, being from different schools and hence different styles and upbringing, having little similarities among us other than our love for the sport, we pulled ourselves together when it mattered. We didnt come out champions, but we were winners in our own right. We gave our opponents a fight they won't forget anytime soon, we were underdogs (in my eyes, I'm a pessimist), a lesser team, with nothing to lose, and so much to gain. And gain we did, we gained their respect and everyone elses, for our spirit and determination, and at least, for having played the best game we could have, in a very very long time.

In retrospect, I still have my own disappointments to consider. I keep wondering, even now, which one of those goals couldve been prevented? With just a little more effort, better positioning, better control. It was all SO close. The entire match was so close. That one goal made all the difference. But I can't say I'm disappointed. None of us are, I'm sure. We played to the best of our abilities. And I'm grateful, to Him, who gives me everything, to my team mates for their contributions and listening to me bark out orders bout defense and also... to our opponents.

I half feel like talking about the specifics of the match, my anger with the referees and their bad calls, who scored, who led at what time, who did what, but I figure that this post has gone on long enough. Haha. Well, it'll suffice to say that, we took turns to lead, with the opposing side catching up and with the tide turning the other way sometimes. With each side fighting for the ball like men possessed. Making use of our opportunities, and throwing them away needlessly at times. It was a gripping match. A great parting gift, for those us who aren't going to continue playing next year. We lost 7-6, but in doing so, found that spirit within ourselves to play together. Maybe we'll see it again tomorrow, when we face NTU, and hopefully, again, in the future.

Up, down and around.

2007-01-31T00:46:00.000+08:00

From Neil Gaiman's Sandman, one of my favourite passages.

"At the end of the procession, a bit behind everyone else, there were these two girls.

One of them kept hesitating. She'd walk a few steps and stop. Like she'd forgotten what she was doing, where she was.Then she'd walk a little more.

The other one...

The one at the end...

I think i fell in love with her, a little bit.

Isn't that dumb?

But it was like I knew her.

Like she was my oldest, dearest friend.

The kind of person you can tell anything to, no matter how bad, and they'll still love you, because they know you.

I wanted to go with her. I wanted her to notice me.

And then she stopped walking.

Under the moon, she stopped. And she looked at us.

She looked at me.

Maybe she was trying to tell me something; I don't know.

She probably didn't even know I was there.

But I'll always love her. All my life."

Happy Birthday Em!

2007-01-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

This place needs an update. And what better occasion to do it than on Emily Tan En-xian's 21st Birthday?! Thanks for having all of us over Em! Everyone had a great time, good food, good entertainment(HAHA), and most of all, good company. I'm glad you had a great time, Em. So many good friends came bearing wonderful gifts and surprises! It's truly a reflection of who and what you are. Well, you don't need me to spell the obvious. Haha. Don't forget to redeem your voucher with us in several days time! We'll let you know when it becomes valid. Good things need time for preparation. Haha.

As for what has been going on in the short hiatus in which this blog has temporarily fallen into a period of inactivity(ok, that came out pretty fast,sounds awkward.haha), I've just been..bumming...wasting my days away at home..playing with natasha when she's over..when I'm not training for ivp, which is coming in a little more than a week. Trying to study a bit, but the moods just not there yet, and well, its a never ending cycle anyway, feels pointless talking about it. It's an annoyance. And...I suppose, being a little bit of a recluse. And not really going out of my way to spend time with people. Oh well, there's a time and place for everything.

Shall stop here. And put photos up when I get them. Doubt I'd have much to say after this. Too little's been going on.

Running in the rain.

2007-01-13T03:52:00.000+08:00

School was a bummer today. Even though it was short and even though lectures weren't too boring. Something just got to me. Brought running gear at Suriya's 6am request, I didnt think we were going to go through with it, judging from the weather the past few days. But we did. Not as long as we'd wanted to, but it was fine. We ran around the track, ignoring incredulous looks from the few people doing I-have-no-idea-what at the stands, laughing about what they must've thought of us. Still, its always good to run things off. Company helps too. We were soaked through and enjoying it. Now, I just have to make sure I don't come down with anything, not that posting this entry at 4am helps either.

Met some of the guys tonight, we don't get many opportunities these days. Not without feeling a little guilty at least. I felt completely without guilt today. Haha. Except for what we talked about at the prata shop. Shh. It's the first friday I've enjoyed in a long long time. Last friday...and the last, was spent at my desk, staring at notes, scrambling to get something into my brain. Thank God that's over, for now. Gotta thank Him for many other things too.

And oh, I realize I need to make some clarifications on a previous post. When I made mention of...CGs, in a pretty ambiguous manner. Sensitive issues, these things. Well, I'm very thankful to the two people who've agreed to form one with me. And I'm not particularly worried about specific issues/problems with any of us...Just...perhaps, wondering about the bigger picture. About the larger group, who we'll end up with, group dynamics, possible complications/ conflicts/ whatever, its all just speculation and perhaps, me being pessimistic. I'm just thinking about potential. And if our world will get any smaller than it already is. Which is possible. And terrible. Can't let med encompass, drain, twist our lives, though it does sometimes. Hope that clears things up a little. If you weren't bothered by my ambiguous statement, thats even better.

Saya penat. And my quads ache too.

2007-01-12T00:44:00.000+08:00

Spent yesterday afternoon at Macritchie with Suriya, Baos and Kristanto...not a bad first running session of the year. My first in 2 months or more. Somehow, we all ended up running by ourselves. But it was good. Good to get the heart,lungs and legs working..enjoying each others company..at least for awhile, before we spread out...taking in the fresh air while we were in the jungle trail/reserve...and the not-so-fresh air along adam/thomson road. Did 8k, 2 rounds, the 2nd one nearly killed me mentally. But as always, thanks to endorphins and adrenaline, I felt liberated, accomplished, fulfilled, when it was over. Thanks Suriya, for asking me to run, and giving me that extra push. Hope I can keep this up.

We bowled at Stephrene's condo today, one of the two condominiums in Singapore with its own bowling alley, so she says. It was a little alleyway underground, with just 2 lanes, no overhead screens to tell u the score,but 2 screens/terminals on the ground, a small assortment of 10 balls, complete with a shoerack by the side. Poor Hon couldnt find a ball that suited her...and neither could Em, the finger hole sizes were all kinda weird. But what got to us, was the system which would intermittently, more often than not, fail to register pinfalls. So, in 2 hours, we only bowled one complete game and spent much of the rest of the time throwing practice swings, trying to curve the ball, bowling lefthanded, throwing 2 balls at once and several other stupid things...all of which were probably caught on the cctv. Haha, sorry Stephrene! Hope you'll still be allowed to bowl at home in future.

After that, Zj, Rous and I caught Pan's Labyrinth at Lido. I didnt know it was a foreign film, tho I do remember it'd won several awards, at least one from the Cannes film festival if im not wrong. Don't take my word for it. Well, we all enjoyed the show. It wasn't what I'd expected it to be, but it was an interesting story, with a different focus and twists that neither of us predicted. I won't reveal any of the plot, since we caught in on opening day, so go watch it, its good. Oh, it seemed like the world was in town today, I kept seeing familiar faces and bumping into old friends everywhere. To the extent that Zj and Rous wanted to abandon me and escape to fcuk. Haha. Pun not intended. Alright, it's late, and I'm not sticking to my sleep earlier each day plan.

Freedom! Albeit temporarily.

2007-01-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

A very belated Happy New Year to everyone! From a very lazy blogger. Haha. Oh. And Happy belated 21st Birthday Velda Han! I don't know why,but saying your full name just feels more complete.Haha. I'd put the photos up, but google/blogger is giving me some trouble. I'll try again, at a later time.

Our Birthday Girl...

Anyway. Thank God that monday has passed. Feel so free now. Well, almost. In spite of having a 9-4 day of school the day after. And can you believe it? We only have 6 weeks of school remaining this academic year. It's..an amazingly short semester. Quite sad really. I'd like to enjoy school longer. Exam-less school, that is, which happens to come in short supply where we are. Gonna have to rev' up the drive to mug in another 2 weeks or so I think.

Velda Han. Haha

Hon!

And Em!

Somehow, time's flown by so quickly, its gonna be the start of a new academic year before we know it. I'm not really looking forward to it. Longer days. More demanding perhaps. The compelling need to be able to communicate properly with patients, especially in languages we all know I suck very badly at. The facade/front we'll have to wear in order to serve. Something we all have to learn in time perhaps. Let's hope it'll come more naturally than we'd expect. The eat-humble pie attitude. Knowing that its our privilege to learn from patients and not our right. And then...there's the CGs. Hm.

Well...thats a battle for another day. Just need some mental preparation prior to that. Time for other things now. Time to make up for the messed up holidays in fact. Wakeboarding/cable skiing. I feel like trying something new. Diving! Time to chalk another 5-6 dives up on my slate. Let's all just go do something fun please. Within the next two weeks. Before it all begins again.

I wish I didnt finish reading Fables so quickly. I practically devoured the whole series. It was awesome, wish they'd gone further with the storyline tho. I want to buy more graphic novels. Reading Sandman again. For the 3rd-4th time. I'm a sucker for stories. If only I wrote better, I'd write my own one day. Ok, I keep mentioning the things I wanna do. Let's hope I do them.

Parties parties.

2006-12-30T00:59:00.000+08:00

Having no pictures of the parties Ive been to makes me put blogging about them off. Unlike zj, I don't really like koping photos off people's blogs. Nothing wrong with it...Just that I dont like getting low-res/small photos since you cant always get the originals from blogs. Sorry, random point of information, explaining the lack of photos here I suppose.

Anyway, Christmas has come and gone! I know its supposed to last 12 days...but theres no way I'll survive telling myself that kinda thing especially since its really time to get down to business. Gotta get the drive and motivation to mug up and running. Not much time left. And again, I hardly think Ill manage to finish what I want to do. But heck, shall rely on His strength, not mine.

And everyone who asks how Christmas has been...I'm not sure how to answer. I've been giving this really bored,non-chalant-sounding answer because Christmas this year..has really been, just like that. And WHY deans office wants to schedule micro-b on the first day of school, after the holidays, when we had exams just prior to the holidays, I do not know. And I doubt anyone else in m2 can fathom as well. Probably just a necessity of timing..due to the weight of the syllabus and stuff, thats my guess. Ok, I'm really crapping here.

Anyway, Mirri's and Jian Peng's houses are really REALLY nice. Its hard to say which is nicer. And I wont. I suppose its a completely different style, not that I'd be able to tell you what style exactly. But Jp's outdoor veranda/gazebo thing with gigantic koi in their koi pond plus swimming pool just gives his house this holiday resort feel to it. Like you've just been teleported to Bali, once you make it up his long long driveway and pass through his doors. Mirri's house..is..hm.ok,I have no words to describe it. Its insanely nice. So much wood and gold everywhere! I like wood in a home. Gives the place a nice feel. Wood and glass. Nice combination. Haha.

Oh, yeah, the parties. Almost forgot. The food was great! At both places and at Tian loon's too. Many wonderful deserts, zj's tiramisu, Huilin's chocolate cake, awfully chocolate cake, chocolate fondue, bread pudding at Jp's? And I cant be bothered to talk about all the other delicious-saliva-excretion-stimulating food (That sounded a little weird) there was because its making me hungry. Haha. Alright, I've lost the urge to say more.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

Ben and Natasha.

Farewell to Melanie, Ian and baby Ben, all of whom are in the sky right now, on their way over to Sydney. Should be landing pretty soon I think. It was great having everyone back at the same time. For a while. I'll miss having the extra noisiness around the house...and the more frequent visits from Jean, Kirk and Tasha- who can make many many animal noises at your request, in her own version of course. At least they're back for good, and so is Mom, so...less chores for all of us, and more nagging about the state of my room. Which might be a good thing.

The Ladies of the House.

And the men.

But her return home is welcome anyway, in spite of the nagging. Already the house is looking better than it has for the past 6 months. Haha. And we've got a new fridge, courtesy of Mel and Ian, on account of the previous one dying of old age, it just stopped being cold. We had no choice but to dispose of most of our refrigerators contents (hotdog condiments included) while we awaited the arrival of the new fridge. Pity. Need to get new ones now. My infatuation with hotdogs hasnt ended. Haha.

Day of Defeat.

2006-12-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

Today seemed like a day where nothing got done properly. Apologies in advance, for all the griping I am about to do. Last night, I set my alarm for 9am...only to get up this morning..to turn it off (as usual) and get up at 11. Its been happening for the past few days..and actually its getting better, I seem to be getting up 15 minutes earlier everyday. But it's still time wasted away.

Washed up, breakfast,etc etc. And there I was, trying to read about clostridium, I began at 12, got interrupted by lunch at pg 2, lunch ended at 1. I started again, then napped for 45 mins. And I only finished..(which means I reached pg 5)...at 5. Ok, its beyond slow. Its so freaking slow...its...like..ah wth, its just damn slow.

Then I went to cut my hair. And I thought I was clear..but I wasn't. She took away my fringe, before my very eyes. I hoped that maybe it was still a little longer than it seemed in the mirror. And when she moved to trim it a little more, I stopped her. But then, I was too late. Crap. Im fringe-less. Argh.

I felt like..I couldnt do anything right today. I didnt mug properly. Didnt get my hair cut properly. Didnt slack properly (if this were possible) when I wanted to slack. Worried bout stuff I needed to buy all day, and conveniently forgot to buy them when I was out. Hell, today's just not my day.

An Attempt to be Cultured

2006-12-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

Surprised myself today when I agreed to pay a visit to the newly re-opened National Museum with Huilin and Zj. Then again, I went on the condition that we have lunch and do something else after looking at the museum exhibits. And what else is there to do this Christmas season, but shop? Speaking of which, I've been a poor shopper this year. Hardly feels like Christmas too. What with...ok. Don't say it. There.

Well, we learned all about Maria Theresia. The one and only female Austrian Monarch, the only empress to reign in Austria's history. Her family (inclusive of one Marie Antionette, Queen of France during the French Revolution, who got beheaded with her husband, King Louis the XVI), her successes, reforms, etc etc. What was compelling about her was that she was never raised to ascend to the throne, since her father had always thought her future husband would rule, but still she had natural flair as a ruler, and even in the battlefield as a commander of her armed forces. And something about her being such a successful ruler without...compromising any of her feminine qualities. Ok, shan't go on.

After some time, I was silently hoping that the next turn around the next corridor would reveal the exit. It was getting quite tiring reading about the royal tea pot, royal crockery, royal japanese lacquered chest, coat of arms, scepter, crown, etc etc. But I did think the Robes of the Order of the Golden Fleece and the Order of St Stephan looked quite good. There were other interesting things...like a bust of some..er..priest i think, which had a glass container embedded in his chest, where his heart would be, containing a piece of his flesh. We didnt go to the other exhibits coz they were about Singapore. And well, they werent free either. It was my first time to the museum since...I dont remember. Probably when I was in primary school.

Back from KL.

2006-12-19T01:36:00.000+08:00

It was an all-ord guy trip to KL from Thursday to Saturday last week..Yes, I procrastinate about blogging. But I've discovered, again, that I like very little about the place. The last time I went up there..was perhaps..11 years ago, I remember not liking it very much then either. I suppose none of my expectations were met... I'd hoped to do some Christmas shopping for my family..what with the supposed Nation-wide sale, which seemed to exclude KL..but the bigger determining factor for my shopping-less holiday experience was the fact that there was nothing that appealed to me, or to any of us, for that matter (Ok, except for the girls and Mango). The food...well, it was funny how we ended up eating at places we could find in Singapore half the time. It was definitely cheaper though. Oh, Secret Recipe cakes rock. At half price too. And then, there was the overall atmosphere...the service...the conditions...I dont know, doubt Id go back there for some time to come. Thank God for the company tho, they made up for it all.

The few interesting things that we saw/did...Berjaya Times Square with its 'mall-on-a-mall' layout, according to William, and the indoor theme park. Which we would have went for if we had more time, and hadn't had lunch just before then. The roller-coaster looked fun. We bowled. Twice. Broke my thumb nail, as usual. Happened to some of the others too. China town was pretty interesting, except for the lack of variety in the stalls...and the visible lines of glue keeping the shoes-on-sale there together. Made one of my few purchases there! An autobots shirt, haha, didnt' even get the colour I wanted. We went to KLCC and saw the Petronas Towers. Zj felt very fulfilled at this point. All I wanted to do at the time was raid Kinokuniya. The subway and monorail systems were SO crowded. Not much of an experience, I assure you. Cabbing's the way to go, if you can find cabbies who charge by meter, and if you don't mind putting up with those cabbies with an attitude, in order to find the nice/honest ones. And yes, who can forget playing Mahjong from 11 plus to 7. Alright, so I only played one round and watched/read my book the rest of the time. Mich/Jess, if you see this, send me photos! Thanks!

Spartans.

2006-12-10T18:56:00.000+08:00

Oh man, I can't wait for this movie. 3 MORE MONTHS. My bro showed me the trailer the night before patho and pharmaco. Within 10 mins, I was in front of the computer, my notes set aside, both P's at the back of my mind (or further), watching the trailer again and again, and reading up about the history of the Battle of Thermopylae...on wikiepedia and other random sites. Its so cool, I bought the graphic novel the next day, after both papers ended. I'm such a sucker for these things.

Idealistic/Jaded.

2006-12-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

What do you do : When you're a medical student (in 1st or 2nd year, so you don't know much bout the inner workings of a hospital, yet) , and you have people who are close to you, complaining about poor service in hospitals, lacking efficiency and just about poor health care in general?

Do you:
1) Agree, because hospitals ARE slow and the service IS poor. And health care sucks. But then, what would that make you? What do you hope to be in future? How do you want to change it? Are you deceiving yourself? Are you agreeing too easily? Are you being realistic? Have you lost that much faith in the things around you?

2)Disagree, even though you don't understand it all, yet, but because you have faith in the system that you're going to become a part of. Because you want to believe that its effective, that it saves lives, that it has a purpose, and that its at its best, though it can get better, and it will. Would you be too idealistic then? Are you denying what the system lacks? Should you be more concerned about the treatment/service being given?

3)Remain neutral, and let them complain all they want, either because you couldn't care less, or for fear of offending the people who are close to you. Again, what would that make you? How will you stand up to difficult patients and family members in future?

Just some food for thought. Since I experienced some of it today, and over the past few days. I wonder how it'll all turn out. I wonder how I'll deal with patients. And what they'll perceive me to be.

School's Out.

2006-12-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

The Last Day of School. Called for a celebration. Botak Jones-ed as it rained, again. Went far far away to West Coast Recreation Centre (Alright, not THAT far, but far enough) to bowl, get high, laugh at each other,take kooky pictures(which I don't have yet), have fun. Failed attempt at bowling without socks forced us to buy socks for a buck each, that reminds me, theyre still in my bag, shit. It was a good bowling day for the girls it seemed...especially for Jennifer, Susan, Bobilan and Eugenia. Amazing how brute strength works.

Some excitement ensued soon after, what with wandering parking coupons and handphones. Didn't have happy endings for both events, but at least it wasn't too costly. I have slightly more faith and trust in people now. Bus-ed down to cityhall, where everyone else went on to attend Mirri's recital. I bought dinner home for Mom and went to visit Dad in SGH. He just slept and slept...probably partly due to the diminishing effects of GA. We stood around, looking on at the meters and screens around him. Forgive me, I don't know what they're called.

Not unexpectedly, I had to answer Mom and John's questions...bout Sp02, Dad's pulse, BP, etc. I was more interested in his self-administered morphine PCA machine thing though, and the tub connected to his knee, which was probably just for blood to drain into.

Hm..no idea why I feel lazy to string all my sentences properly today. It was a good day tho. Hello Holidays.

A Return To Order

2006-12-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

Didnt imagine I'd spend today the way I did. It was incredibly slow, sleepy, lazy and just...well..boring. I was officially the family chauffer. Think I clocked more than 200km driving yesterday and today. Probably sat in the drivers seat for almost 4 hours today. Well...the good news...is that Mom's back from the states! And she didnt complain too much about the house either. Though I was the only one home, making me the only one available to receive the few gripes she had about the state of the house. Fortunately, she didnt go on for long.

An example of what she asked me," Who gave us mooncake from Ritz Carlton?!" (after poking me in the shoulder and waking me up) And my sleepy sheepish reply to that was, "I already threw away 2 boxes of mooncake." Which doesnt answer the question I know, it was just me trying to save my own hide, in a sense. So yes, the astute reader would note today's date...and wonder why we still have mooncake in the house. But then, there's really no need to wonder, since it was just 3 guys holding the fort for the last 6 months.

But then, most of you might already know, that my mom went to Cornell for half a year and blah blah blah. So yeah...I think my laundry days are over. Haha. No more hanging clothes to dry at 1-2 am in the wee hours of the morning. Then again, being nocturnal, doing things like that shouldnt pose a problem to me. Alright, Im kidding, Ill still help around the house. But I noticed, the first thing mom did when she got home, was to start doing housework. I guess its just the maternal instinct. And perhaps, the house really called out to her.

Ok I'd better not go on bout the things that've been going on in this house for the past 6 months, for fear of revealing just how barbaric we really can be. Anyway, I think I mentioned trying to make aglio olio for myself for dinner one fateful saturday night. The recipe called for onions, tomatoes,olive oil....etc etc. Well, I kinda forgot about the onions after my failed attempt. And I guess mom didnt notice them too (fortunately). Haha. But this is what onions look like when you leave them in the fridge for...er...2 months?

And thats pretty damn long isn't it?! Haha. From just one bulb! At least 20cm. The others didnt grow so long coz they couldnt break through the plastic. Amazing...phototropism in plants, especially when theres no light in the fridge at all. Well, we do keep the fridge door closed most of the time. I took a quick photo of mini-onion farm when mom was out and quickly disposed of it. Then again, I'm surprised she didnt see it since she was rearranging stuff in the fridge.

Alright, I'm talking nonsense, but this is me being glad that mom is home. After 6 months of....mom-less-ness. Yes, just hanging with my dad and bro. Which was trying at times. I shan't elaborate. It does help to have a woman in the house. Especially with respect to dad. Seems like we're a complete household again. Order's been restored. I hope things get better. Haven't had home-cooked food in ages...save for hotdogs and mac and cheese, which I suppose..don't really count.

It's done.

2006-11-28T23:35:00.000+08:00

We're free! Free from the burden.

Its amazing, the feeling, I almost feel care-free, its such an immense load off my shoulders, I could almost forget that it ever happened, except for the fact that our results are coming out sporadically...And, true freedom awaits...at the end of these two weeks. Well, maybe not that 'true' after all. Ok. Lets not go into that.

You know how it is, when you're so focused on one thing and commit yourself to it almost entirely, you lose track of time, your friends, your family, heck, you 'forget' almost everything around you, you lose yourself. I actually feel a little aimless now. I need to find some fun. Let's go somewhere. Forget where we come from, what we're doing, who we're going to become, and just have fun. Then we can return to reality, and strive to be all that we want to be, once again.

KL? Or Genting? Diving? Or just staying in rainy Singapore? And going night cycling? Sentosa medness-ing? Floorballing? (are the courts still open?) Bowling? Haha, alright I dont know. I'm just being crappy. And suggesting stuff to do.

I really ought to get a laptop and leave it logged into blogger till i try to sleep. Somehow, I think most just before then. Probably why I can't sleep. And I always forget what I'd thought about. Especially when I want to blog. Its a vicious cycle. Heck, its just a blog. No offense to my blog, whoever you are.

Happy Birthday Bean!

2006-11-24T01:04:00.000+08:00

Bean! And bunny ears, courtesy of marcus.

Front

Back. With a few additions.

Attack of the Bunny Ears! AGAIN.

The Red Shirts! And our Green Bean!

No Rest for the Wicked

2006-11-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

Its official. Well, nearly. Due to unhealthy sleeping habits...staying up late and wasting time online...reading books...and overactive neural activity (especially in my frontal, parietal and frontal lobes I think), I've become an insomniac. Or maybe I've just become nocturnal. Heck, its annoying. I'm always sleeping whenever I don't want to..and not sleeping whenever I want to.

Just a couple of days ago, I uncharacteristically got off the computer at 1130, in a valiant attempt to correct my messed up sleep cycle/circadian rhythm. I dont remember how many times I turned my pillow over coz of the heat. But it took me about 2 hours to drift into the land of nod. 2 freaking hours, or more. Somewhere in that span of time, I sat up and almost gave up on sleeping, I turned on the lights and tried reading myself to sleep. Didnt work either.

Never did think much of sleep. It was more of a necessity to me than anything else, just to keep the body going. Yeah, weird I know. If I could do without sleep, I think I would. Didn't use to take afternoon naps either. Only coz the textbooks and notes co-erced me. And now here I am, wide awake whenever I try to sleep. Its ironic.

Sleep's an escape. Or so I thought. Once, I felt it was the best way to re-set our..well..lives and begin anew. I'd forget about all unpleasantries the day before and start each day afresh...and everything was good. Well, it wasn't always like that...but it sufficed. Any pain or discord wouldve ebbed away after walking through the planes of Morpheus and on our return to reality. And then what happened? I don't really know. Sleep eludes me. It's no longer an escape, just a temporary reprieve. Well, it's time to try again. Sleep beckons.

Hello, this is the Dean's Office.

2006-11-14T01:19:00.000+08:00

And so I received a call, sometime in the early evening. The man on the other side of the phone, who identified himself as Jimmy, I think, proceeded to tell me that President George Bush was coming to Singapore...and that I was selected to represent NUS Medicine. So, being the mountain tortoise that I am (coz I didnt know He was coming to Singapore) , I immediately thought, which of my friends sounds like this on the phone? I was almost going to take a guess when he went on to give me more details. My mind was racing, 'oh crap, is he for real?'.

So when he asked, if I had any prior engagement in the afternoon on the 16th...which I do, all I could think to say was, "You're kidding me, right?" Apparently, he was quite surprised by my question and I had to repeat myself. To which, he responded with an outburst of laughter and an avalanche of No's. He was serious. Wow/Crap. I was still a little concerned though, so I asked who else had been selected. And it turns out that I'm one of 40 students from medfac and one of many many others who are going to attend Mr Bush's address.

Wow/Crap. The President of the US of A. I still half-couldnt believe it, so I went to check the papers. So much for that seminar/session on Surgery and Paeds. Was looking forward to it.

Ok Go!

2006-11-08T01:37:00.000+08:00

NS and Cofm down...just 4 more to go...Didn't write all I wanted to, always a lack of time...and you never fail to be scared by what other people say..but then,its over. So screw it..Let's just move on. Anyway, I hardly watch youtube and stuff..but I just found this video so amusing I had to put it up. Enjoy!

Ok Go on treadmills

I need....

2006-11-04T00:42:00.000+08:00

a carthasis. It's been a week of holing myself up in my room to mug. And it's friday already. Correction, saturday. Impending doom in just a few days. No time to finish...probably something we'll have to get used to anyway. I just want to get it over with now, but the next few days will be agonizingly long, provided I manage to get up early to mug more.

Bleah. So much I could say. So little I can write.

God,
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.

Just another day.

2006-10-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

Its amazing that I've actually begun reading a little bit in the midst of all this mugging (reading books other than textbooks I mean)...Finally picked up Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors after leaving it on my shelf for...a year perhaps? I like buying books. Finding time to read them is another thing altogether. Well, came across something interesting in there. So here goes.

Question of the Day
The Himalayan word "yeti" means...

a)Abominable Snowman.
b)That thing over there.
c)Omg! Bigfoot's cousin.
d)Big furry man-like animal.

By the way, for those of you who don't know Gaiman, he's an amazing writer. Seriously. His imagination is...like no other author's I've seen. Then again, I'm not that well read. But trust me, he thinks of the most interesting things you probably never will. He's got a new book out in stores now. Can't remember what it's called. But for starters...you could pick up Neverwhere, Stardust, American Gods...and of course, Sandman...if you want a good read. And if you're a 2nd year medical student, please do it after 27 Nov (or maybe after 10 Nov), it'd be hard to put down once you've started reading. That reminds me, Zhimin , if you're reading this, you've had my American Gods for more than a year.

Anyway, some random stuff. I was sitting at the bus stop today. On my way to church. And I noticed some ants had crawled out from their nest somewhere to poke at some...stuff..on the floor. Then I noticed that their formation around that 'stuff' had a distinct measurable radius, apart from 1 or 2 individuals. So it got me thinking, what's the range of an ant's inquisitiveness? Or rather, how far are they willing to go to check something out? And then I started wondering more about how they operated..and why the 'radius' around the food/stuff. Ok, whatever. Just exposed the nerd in me. If anyone ever bothers to find out. Let me know.

Resignation. Surrender.

2006-10-27T01:06:00.000+08:00

Question of the Day
You know you've been mugging too much when : You're peeling prawns at dinner and you notice that black stuff (well, shit actually) in the prawns flesh...situated at the tail end...and the first thing you think of is...

a) I dont want to eat shit! I'm gonna eat around it.
b) Nah, it wouldn't hurt to eat some prawn shit.
c) It probably contains some dietary fibre.
d) Fecal - Oral transmissions.

No prizes for the correct answer. Sorry!

Anyway, I've come to a point where I feel resigned to my fate. At this rate, I'll never finish studying for the CAs. Its....a disgusting feeling..of desperation. Sigh.

So much for a Holiday?!

2006-10-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

I had 2 points of human contact today.

Once in the morning, when my dad woke me up to ask if I was gonna drive him to work. He offered to let me sleep some more, so I did, and he left for work. For those who might wonder why my dad would want me to drive him to work, we save on parking in town, which comes up to...10-20 bucks/day? And some other considerations la, but I'll not go into that.

My 2nd point of human contact...was when my brother came home after work and said thanks when I told him I was doing the laundry. After which, he changed out of his work clothes and promptly stepped out of the house, again.

So what else did I do today?! - One might ask, especially since there was no school today. Well, one need not ask, coz I was bored to shit today. Spent the day at home, alone, with my lovely books and nice hand-decorated notes for company. For most of the day of course...in light of the coming -ahem- CAs...

The only escape I indulged in was cooking lunch and dinner for myself. Which...wasnt that interesting coz I made the usual. Mac & Cheese/Pasta, fish fingers, sausages and hot dogs. Alright.. enough rattling on about how boring it was. I bet it was boring too. Pardon the pun please.

Ala Vivo.

2006-10-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

Spontaneous post-floorball/mugging outing to vivocity on friday where we jalan-ed aimlessly and sat to wolf down some Carl's Jr. After which, I went to fetch Dad and had my 2nd dinner. Been overeating these few days. And NOT running. Damn. The books are taking over everything.

Made my first attempt at cooking spaghetti yesterday. Olive oil based...with onions..tomatoes...er...sausages..ok thats weird i know, but I didnt have any minced meat and I don't really like prawns. Oh wait, we have ham, didn't think of that. Haha. To think, I was proud of myself for thinking of crushing black pepper seeds -since we didnt have any black pepper- to add into the spaghetti. Think i overdid it with the olive oil....and I dont know what else. What surprised me was...when I was cooking, my bro asked if I was cooking for Dad and him too. Haha. Fortunately for them, I wasn't.

2006-10-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

An apology is a friendship preserver,
is often a debt of honour,
is never a sign of weakness,
is an antidote for hatred,
costs nothing but ones pride,
always saves more than it costs
and is a device needed in every home.

My not-so-perfect Hotdog...and other random shite

2006-10-13T00:13:00.001+08:00

Another home-made dinner. Another attempt at Hotdog making. One day, I'll set up Doc Joe's Hot Dog stand...Haha. One day. This time I used mozerella cheese for one...melted some below the chicken frank and some on top...The bun was a bit burned in the end coz it was in the oven for too long. Stuck with cheddar cheese for the other one. We've got loads in the fridge. The mozerella cheese did taste distinctly milkier than the cheddar though. I'll try colby soon! Thanks! Anyway..I probably shouldn't have put relish on both hotdogs...and maybe not mustard either..Or maybe just not too much. Felt it overpowered the taste of the other ingredients. Need to find a balance! And better sausages! My dad put the buns in the fridge and got them all squashed up..kinda..spoiled it a bit. Oh well.

And speaking of my dad...I've just about had it up to here about the household chores. Ok I don't usually complain, but lets have some allowances shall we? Who's he to tell John to help me out when he doesn't? He spent the whole day at home today. And when I got back...breakfast dishes weren't done..the kitchen was dirty from all the frying..trash wasnt thrown properly...laundry wasnt done...I'm just a bit tired of his hypocracy. And what made it worse...was that I gave him his Birthday present this morning..a lacoste shirt...and when i got back in the evening...it was still at the dining table, in the same position from during breakfast. Thats 99 bucks gone to waste.

My stupid washing machine is making so much noise. Think I put too much in it.

The Perfect Hot Dog

2006-10-08T01:22:00.000+08:00

Didnt have dinner today. So after church, I got home...and had to decide what to fill my near empty stomach with. Its been too long since I've had a good hotdog. Ever since Marche closed down and their hotdog stand disappeared..and Viking Hotdog left the scene...and well...Orange Julius hotdogs just don't cut it. Been craving a good hotdog for some time now. Someone tell me where I can find it! Alright, so I wasnt that impressed with the Swanky-franky at Botak Jones.

Damn, that looks good.

Well...no prizes for guessing what I decided to make for dinner/supper. I didnt have any buns, so two slices of toast had to suffice. Not very hotdog-gy I know. Decided to melt some cheddar cheese on one...and heated up two standard chicken franks in the oven. Topped with bbq sauce. It tasted better than it looked! I gotta be more adventurous next time. Time to stock up on mustard and sauerkraut...no onions for me though..And Ive gotta find an alternative to cheddar cheese! Someone help me. Haha.

I got so inspired I even went online to search for hotdog recipes. Made myself even hungrier than I was before eating. Its a bit nuts to start the oven up again for a pseudohotdog at 1.40 in the morning. But who knows? Ive taken to hanging up laundry at times like this. Damn, I'm hungry. Gotta eat something...

MAF at Em's Place

2006-10-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

Friday 061006 - The End of another tiring week of school. And another week closer to...the impending CAs. So little time, so much to do! Well, once school was out....we drove out to town! Just to kill some time..and to get dinner..before heading off to Em's place. We wanted to eat at Sun Wave Moon..but they werent gonna serve dinner for another half an hour..and coz we hadnt made reservations, we'd only have a table for an hour. So it was on to crystal jade. Where we had a great dinner..though we were disappointed with the portions...but, I love the xiao long bao. And...Velda Han, I like chinese food too la. Dun make me seem more kantang than I already am. Haha.

Anyway, we made a stopover at Guthrie house..just in case any of us had stomach room left for venezia ice cream....and also to buy something to bring over to yem's place. We ended up entertaining overselves with one of those Kodak Photo Print machines though. Mini-me got a stranger to take a photo of us with zjs new phone...which we printed for yem and all of us.

It was a night of fun, talking cock, games..and lantern-carrying in tchs...Where we met this vietnamese family wandering around in the dark..which was kinda weird..They were taking pictures and videos and all...and the girls did get kinda taken in by their cute kid..Someone gave him a lantern.Haha..Well, it was pretty uneventful, except for Rou's lantern going up in flames and Liwei's ghostly clock tower pic. I don't think I ever carried lanterns around as a kid. I do remember always getting plastic aeroplane lanterns though.. the battery operated kind.

Well..enough moon cake and lanterns! It's time for some good ol' meat. Good-bye MAF!

Endorphine Release!

2006-10-06T01:11:00.000+08:00

It's been another long week. And..really. THANK goodness its Friday tomorrow. Happy MAF everyone. I don't think I've ever wished anyone that before. Haha. School has been..well..the same...draining as always...We've been having 2 lectures a day on average..which is manageable. Till today, where we had FOUR lectures. And todays score was...Joel 1 : LT28 & Z monster 3. Been sleeping too little and too late...Better change that soon.

I've been talking to several friends about it..And I realize...that it's really important to set ourselves short term goals fairly frequently..just to give us that direction..and that much drive to push ourselves on. Especially when we can get so lost in everything sometimes..What with the amount of work we have...and the other things that we decide to fill our lives with. You get what I mean, short term goals...to take away that feeling that we're aimless and drowning...and to give us that much satisfaction when we're done. To "stratify" life into easy, manageable steps.

Which brings me to my short term goal for today. Which isn't to have mugged all about influenza viruses by the way, thatll come later.. But...my goal for today...was to do a run. Haha. What I did in the end, was another first time for me. By some stroke of genius (or foolishness), Kristanto, Kok and I decided to do intervals with Suriya. He was gonna do 10 X 600m..in 120s for each rep. Which is kinda daunting just looking at the numbers. So he gave us something easier..10 X 400m in 80s. Which is still daunting enough. I wanted to do my usual 40min run on grass...but no one wanted to join me.

Alas, I succumbed to peer pressure..and ended up joining them. It was better than I thought it would be. Tiring, of course...but when it was over...I felt accomplished. Tired, but re-vitalized. I felt free...liberated...I felt an explosion of senses...including the ache in my thighs...but heck..it was worth it.. It truly was the high point in my day. bbh indeed. Haha.

Oh Shit, Its Friday!

2006-09-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

Alas, the end is here. Two more days of freedom..imagined freedom till chaos is unleashed once again. Alright, so it ain't that bad...but it's back to 8 to 4/5 ++ days...more brain-numbing lectures...dead-boring prac sessions...etc etc.. Oh well, at least we've got each other.

Tried wakeboarding for the first time today with Zj, Chris Li, Hazel and Ian! It was quite a good experience for us 3 newbies (Hazel, Ian and myself) We all managed to stand up fairly quickly and soon progressed to wake-crossing.Too bad our progress stopped there..tried to do a few jumps..only to wipe out in an unglam fashion, face/butt first.But it was all GOOD! Only problem with it is the price and the wait till its your turn..and oh yes..sore hands at the end of it all. Nothing else is aching yet. I think I'd still enjoy cable skiing after this, its a cheaper alternative...and though you're restricted to going around in circles in a lagoon/over-sized pond, there're still tricks to learn and stuff you can do thaty you can't in wakeboarding.

It took a while though..we were only done at 230 plus...and we were ravenous by then, a good lunch location was the prime topic of discussion for the last hour or so while we were still on the powerboat. We made our way down to Kenny Rogers at Great World (My 3rd time in 2 weeks! Crazy.) where we were somewhat disappointed with price hikes and downsized chicken. Oh well, wasn't any different from the last 2 times I went, but it was disappointing nonetheless. I still think they have the best mac and cheese around. Oh, fyi, San Remo instant mac and cheese is good too. You'll need a cup of milk and 1-2? table spoons of butter for each packet of it.

After lunch, I headed down to Orchard to kill time before fetching dad from the office. Met Aileen at Far East where we were stopped...and where I probably said the dumbest thing I ever have. EVER. Argh. I'd have given it more thought if only I'd seen the camera. Here's a re-enactment:

Random Girl 1: Hi, can I get to you to answer a short survey for seventeen magazine?
Me: (Looks at Aileen) Er. Sure.
Aileen: They're asking you only la.
Random Girl 1: Ok. Whats the BEST gift you've ever received from your mom?
Me: Whoa, er...(thinks hard)
Random Girl 2: -whispers in girl 1's ear-
RG1: Oh, whats the BEST gift you've ever received from a female? your mom, or gf?
Me: (After some thought) Shit, I don't know. Er...I've got a mental block. I suppose...something that means something to me. <-----ARGH. RG1: (writes THAT down, regrettably)
RG3: (Steps from behind RG1, holding camera)
Aileen: (Bursts out laughing) They're gonna take your picture! Good luck.
Me: Oh shit.
RG3: Alright..just look cool..(Proceeds to snap a few shots).. thats right..good..thanks.

After which, I escape with Aileen. And she berates me. "You're gonna be featured in Seventeen!" , she quips. And I'm like..."Oh shit, that was hell-retarded of me. I sound like a moron." Aileen: "Quick, go back and give them a different answer!". Me: "Ah..wth..screw it."

Damn, was that dumb..or was that dumb.

Happy Birthday Baos!

2006-09-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

A Tribute to Our Beloved Vegetarian/Genius Baos!

Turkey..

________________________________

Medicamp 06

Maria, Pattupong and their Mum!

Poor Pattupong, scorned by Mum.

Dnd.

Botak Jones and VERY Full Bellies.

2006-09-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

Today, we paid a visit to Botak Jones, authentic american food, damn good food at damn good price. Well, it was pretty damn good! Considering it was situated somewhere in Clementi in a Kopitiam. You wouldnt expect much from your average western food stall in a hawker centre. But, this was different. The portions were big...the meat was good..ah the meat...the fries...seasoned with...er.. some stuff in addition to salt.

Alright, maybe it was a little pricey compared to standard hawker fare..but youve gotta admit, it's a rung above normal standards ..Also...what made it better for me..was the fact that everyone else couldnt finish their food. Haha. So I got to try a bit of most of what everyone else ordered. I had THE swanky franky/wanky by the way. Its a mother big hot dog, which you can still eat without having to cut up, with some difficulty i might add. Ok, so I took off the onions, that made it easier. And it was a little unglam trying to stuff the whole thing into my mouth.

After helping some of the rest finish their food, I could feel my stomach pressing against my diaphragm, but not to the extent where I couldnt walk straight. No good to overeat... but it was good stuff. Haha. I couldnt even eat much for dinner. Haha.

Back on track.

2006-09-25T17:51:00.000+08:00

Woke up today to a cold morning...and to the sound of raindrops falling against my windows...Which almost made me happy coz it meant that I had an excuse not to run in school. But there was still the chance that the skies over school were nice and clear..and good for a morning of exercise. So I dumped my shoebag in the back..drove my dad and bro to work...and made my way to the src. After an errand, I still didnt feel like engaging in any activity. I'm just not a morning person. Mornings are meant to be spent in bed. Or at the breakfast table.

So, thank you, Aileen, for convincing me to run and not be a lazy slob, coz I hadn't run since last tuesday..which is pretty long if Im trying to be consistent with my training... So I compromised. Instead of going for a 40min run on grass...I decided to give the ol' 2.4 a shot. It IS, after all, what I'm training for ultimately. And also, 2.4 takes a lot less than 40 mins to do. So, why not?

Stretched. Did two slow laps to warm up. Apprehensively approached the start line. Placed my hand on the start button of my watch. And then I was off. It occured to me how I'd forgotten what a 2.4 pace ought to be. But I went on, it WAS a trial of sorts. Did the first lap in 1.20. Not a bad start, but only not bad if i could keep it up. Wanted to keep the pace at 1.30 a lap. There was always this fear that made me hesitate whenever i wanted to check my watch. But I did anyway.

I probably started to slow down on lap 5. Thats when my lungs started to burn more...my strides started to shorten..footfalls got heavier...Soon enough, I was running the 6th and final lap. Forced myself to open up...had to finish it well. I crossed the finish line, stopped the timer on my watch. And I half couldnt believe my eyes. I did 2.4 in 9.09 mins. Thats like....redemption from my 11 mins or so a few months back. I'd met my objective. All the runs had paid off. So..thanks are in order. In no particular order, to running buddies/mentors...Suriya, Aileen, Kok, Quan Yao and Hon( though it was only for 1 round around the field). Haha. I'm a happy man today.

Our Paths in Time.

2006-09-24T02:32:00.000+08:00

Just a little something I saw quite awhile back. Apparently, its pretty accurate! Courtesy of Peng...and of course...whoever made it.

A Week-Long Hiatus

2006-09-23T18:27:00.000+08:00

Time certainly flies. One day you start school..and the next thing you know you're struggling to keep up with lectures..(ok thats if you forget about sleeping thru all the lectures) and then you already feel like the pros are at the end of the month coz people are holing themselves up in the library to mug till it closes..only to be chased home, to mug somemore....and then suddenly its the end of HALF a sem! A QUARTER of the school year has passed. wth. That can't be true. Someone correct me if im wrong please. 6 weeks have passed. Seems so fast. I'm still ignoring some tracks. And thats what this week is for. If only it were that easy to achieve some sorta balance.

Super People!

Yesterday, we celebrated the beginning of our hols..or study break if you want to call it that. It's been too long since we've really gone out without the intention to go back early to mug. Or without thoughts of mugging lingering in the backs of our minds. Been too long since we just went out to hang out, to chill..and most of all, enjoy each others company...as people..and not just study buddies. Its a disease we all have man, 'work' in the brain, ought to call it encaphaworkalitis. Well, yesterday was a welcome change. Even if all we did was hang around and window shop, but we did bowl! Something relatively new too. And we found out how certain friends of ours (who are probably closet muggers!) probably had 'closet' training too. Tsk tsk, no mercy to the noobs. Ah well. It was fun anyway. We ought to do it again, laughings good for health.

Oooh

Our dethroned/dejected Bra/Bowling King.

Terry Fox and Co.

2006-09-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

Counsellors, counsellees, and a few extras.

Sunday Morning! Terry Fox run! (Ok this was almost a week ago) I'd slept 3 hours the night before..foolishly squandering time on msn talking nonsense with everyone er..as foolish as me. Haha. I wasnt really mentally prepared for the run though...was somehow surprised to see so many people going for it too, on the mrt. I don't usually go for these things. It's a start. Anyway, the only thing that sucked, was the rain. It was a double edged sword...kept us cool as we ran..but annoying nonetheless. Met quite a few other meddies there, m1/3s....Thought the turn out was pretty good.

The 9k breezed by pretty fast. We were pretty noisy though..talking among ourselves and keeping quiet only to comment on nice legs and stuff like that. Haha. Most of us got free spray on tattoos after the run. Such a pity that the superman template was spoilt. I settled for something else..which got washed off pretty quickly anyway. We'd planned to stay on in Sentosa to chill out and get a tan..or play a little volleyball..but the weather put a stop to that.

Proud of our textbooks.

Guess who we met?

Lunch was at Seah Im at Harbour Front. After that, us diligent m2s made an attempt to mug. I shan't bother talking about how much was actually done. It'll suffice to say that..some were more successful than others. Our choice of mugging location was Island Creamery at Serene centre..for the ice cream...er...the not bad looking salesgirls...the photos of ourselves that we could put up...Haha. After that, was MORE ice cream at Awfully Chocolate. Can't say I enjoy dark chocolate very much...but it was GOOD. Wish I tried the cakes.

Hei Hei

Our Preppy Night Out

2006-09-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

The Preppies. And some others. Haha

Medicine DnD 2006 totally rocked! Kudos to the dancers!! They must be extremely tired and taxed after all thats been demanded of them...what with...rag and flag...dnd...and the rest of the stuff that we did during orientation. It was a job well done..And I must say that I enjoyed myself SO much more than I did last year. I suppose...putting in the effort to dress up did contribute to all the fun that we had...I spent more on clothes than I did on the ticket. And of course, knowing many more people this year helped too. Only thing that went wrong was...both my cameras batteries died! YES, I brought 2 cameras, one to lend to Eugene though. And BOTH had to die. How stupid was that.

Our seemingly 'standard' boys and girls shots.

The Counsellee and her gift to me.

Li!

Anyway, I didnt even bring a camera last year. So, when EVERYONE else was busy photowhoring, I just stupidly sat at my table being bored to death...I didnt really know many people either. Oh well. Learned my lesson this time. Yes, how I disliked Dnd last year. I didnt spend a single cent on the costume. Im glad we dressed up like we did this year! I thought we carried it off pretty decently...too bad there wasnt a prize for 2nd best dressed table...Haha. We might've stood a chance. Oh well.

Rous and Zj having a ball.

MTV - Trying..and not really succeeding..to look solemn.

Well, a great many other things happened during Dnd. Grand appearances of The M1s, One times good one, Band-Aid...and our lovely Li! And yes, lets not forget our music videos...Haha. All thanks to Baos and Zhimin if im not wrong, for pushing us all up there. We realized that 6 out of 8 of us up there were from AC. Haha. Says something doesn't it? Hahaha. I shan't say anymore.

Don't we look preppy.

With our resident bad/top girl.

And who can forget our greatest and biggest activity, it really stole the scene..Haha..photowhoring. I can't believe how trigger happy we were with our cameras! But everyone really did look good in their costumes. I think the M1s were more sporting than we were last year...Or at least more so than me. In fact, I think we were so pre-occupied with photos that we practically forgot to eat. Haha. That was crazy. Then again, I don't think we missed much. Oh well.

Haha, Yinghao looks good, I look non-chalant.

Mojo Jojo lives on!

Snowwhite. They look scary.

Now, all this has faded into memory, there to remain for as long as can be. Hopefully, not overshadowed or overwhelmed...by the many other things that we need to remember. The race has started..4 weeks in...well..not a competitive one...more of an individual race to me...But its gonna be another challeging climb. I hope I'm strong enough...Damn, we're all muggers man. Its destiny. Haha.

Our Canon Ixus-60 ad. Cool.

Return to Tioman

2006-09-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

Us on the Boat! Still docked at the yacht club though.

Beautiful, aint it?

Finally! The long-awaited post on our dive trip/advanced open water diver course at Tioman! Haha, as if. Oh well. School just changes things you know. Makes you not wanna blog. Alright, just humour me. I'm bored. This is gonna be long one.

Suited up, everyone was so reluctant to take the photo though.

Aileen and I

With Dom and Rous

We did a live-on-board with Seaborne...it was quite an experience...what with the constant nibbling nausea waiting to overwhelm you...the constant rocking motion,hence the nausea...just being away from land almost the entire time...the toilets we could only use when the boat was in motion(Ok, so we didnt always follow that rule,haha.), the limited space that made us have to climb around the boat....the food...good food at that...the life. The 2 days we spent on that boat made me wonder what it'd be to live a sailors life. Our experience was definitely too cushy in comparison though.

Haha,guess who?

Rou's pretending to put me to sleep

Rou's terrorizing me.

And, Rou's atoning for her sins.

Well, all in all, I was a little disappointed with the dive trip. Felt that visibility was really poor in Tioman..at least compared to Dayang and Aur....a friend of mine told me it'd be like that for a long time to come since Tioman's always undergoing some form of construction..so visibility's never very good. Only thing I saw..that Id never seen before..was a small blue spotted stingray! And this fish I couldnt identify coz it swam away before anyone else saw it. But it was big..and it kinda looked like an angelfish. Ok, I shant make myself sound so noob.

Stupid Rous. Haha

Emo shot, courtesy of Dom.

But I suppose the company made all the difference. We had our fun. The photos speak for themselves. Speaking of photos, no one else brought a camera..that kinda forced me to be the photowhore. Think I pulled it off fairly well. Haha. Live-on-board provided a whole new experience. Not forgetting the nausea. Haha. And of course, the diving, even with poorer visibility, had its appeal in its own way. Can't wait for the next trip. Got basic and advanced now...a leisure trip awaits. The only hurdle in looming in front of me is...moola...and when to go. Alright, thats all folks!

Check out the missile just above my right arm. We were at a live firing area.

AND check out what we saw! A SUB.

All of us.

The World's turned upside down

2006-08-27T01:41:00.000+08:00

Woo. Its been a while. Been too lazy/busy to blog lately. More of the former tho. School's been a crazy mad rush. It's only been 2 weeks and I already feel the pinch to mug. Im succumbing to all the peer pressure. Haha. Of course, sitting next to geniuses during lectures doesnt help either. Not when theyre writing down everything the lecturer says.... and more; And yours truly's struggling just to listen to the lecturer. And having a never ending battle with the Zzz monster as well. He gets me most of the time. I really should be more discipline at night.

Argh. School. Such a sharp contrast to the holidays. If only, IF ONLY, we were there once again. No robbins, no levinson, no crossman and neary, no katzung, no notes, no LT28. Bleah. But schools here. And here to stay. No more long breaks for us. September's (Or is it October?) 1 week break is likely gonna be time for most of us to catch up with the books.Sigh. Somehow I just don't feel ready for it all. It's taking a while for me to adapt to all this stuff once again. Wish I knew how I should pace myself for this year. It only gets harder, everyone says.

Oh well, enough complaints about school. Ive gotta talk about happier stuff some time. Almost forgot that I went to Tioman last weekend! It was....a refreshing escape from the world...Ill upload photos and talk about it soon! Oh yes, another GREAT surprise. 26th August - 7th May = much more than 30 days ( 101 i think ). Thats how long 51 Scuba took to send my open water dive card to me. Thought it'd never come. Oh well, at least it's here, safe and sound. Alright, enough!

We did it!

2006-08-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

M2s!

A Grand Congratulations to our Holy Trinity is in order! Thanks Amanda, Lijia and Sabrina...for all the hardwork..planning..commitment...and encouragement as we tried to learn everything you choreographed! It was definitely a challenge. I still half can't believe I did it. Ive never liked dancing. Dont know if I ever will. Haha. But the experience has been a good one. After all this, I can see how one would feel satisfied and fulfilled after putting a routine together and seeing everything executed like clockwork. And executed like clockwork it was...not without its imperfections though..but I heard we really rocked the judges. And thats good enough.

The Men.

And our Ladies.

Kums and QT fooling around. Don't worry girls, Kumaran's straight.

Yesterday and today were killers though. We bummed and practiced on friday...working on our costumes and going through the full run several times, in and out of costume. Dinner was an all-guy thing at holland v. And I guess we only really slept at about 12 plus 1..so we could get up at 3. But I only REALLY slept from 1 something to about 2. Couldnt really make the trip to neverland after that. I SO felt like a zombie in the next few hours....which we spent doing a sound check..and waiting around in the dark..trying to put on our make up. Which I thought was just plain insane until I saw the Hall dance teams. THEIR make up was insane man. The epitome of insane. They must've had a good time bathing after all that.

M1s!

Our Egyptian Girls, realize i dont have a picture of the guys in costume.

Our Ninja/Assassin Wushu man Calvin.

So there we were, at the track next to our float..being sleepy and still doing make up. After the static display inspection, we moved over to the rest point and just happily laid down to sleep. ALL of us. Haha. I think we had more than a few bemused photographers coming our way. It was a pretty long wait for our turn to perform, in the hot sun no less. The sheltered area was pretty well occupied by other teams so we didnt have a choice. But as the time drew nearer, we slowly moved out of our slumber and psyched ourselves up. I wasnt even feeling apprehensive till that point. Id think i would, coz I get still get a little nervous up on stage in front of many people. But then..somehow, I was just mentally prepared to go through the entire routine, regardless of the audience.

Our costume. The front hadn't been done yet though.

Costumes!

I think a little anxiety hit me as we stood at the last waiting point, where we could see our friends standing on the field and ready to cheer us on. Where there were many many people taking photos of us in our silver and bronze skin. I tried not to think about it. Tried to remember my steps. Tried to get with the music that was playing, to loosen up and just enjoy myself. And when they called for us, we ran.

It breezed by so quickly. I didnt even really notice who was watching. I didnt even see the judges. I just saw that one point i was glaring at...to maintain our 'fierce' appearance..and the positions of the other dancers relative to mine.. I noticed the cheers we got from our friends..and hopefully from other people as well. But other than that, I think I was just really into it, I'd thrown myself into the entire dance, making myself pretty oblivious to anything else.

And then it was over. A mere 5 minutes. All our preparation for that glorious 5 minutes. Haha. Well, we tried to clear off quickly. I think the float had a little bit of trouble moving off the stage area. They sure were quick to start destroying all their hardwork though. Haha. I didnt even get a shot at the float myself. After some photo taking..by prof raj and many others...we were still high on endorphines. We hung around...talking...proud of what we'd done...doing full extensions and elevators for the fun of it. Haha. Unbelievable. A couple of complications came up along the way though. Lost items and all. But everything was reclaimed I think. As happy as I was with the dance being over, I was even happier wash all that stuff off myself. Haha. Ok enough!

Oh man, BR creating another scandal for herself. Haha!

The End of How It All Began

2006-08-10T03:21:00.000+08:00

Another 28 hours will pass, and there we'll be, seated in LT28, promoted from a year of sitting,sleeping,paying attention,writing furiously and doing whatever else we did in LT29 - Now to be occupied by our newest batch of successors...may they do as well as we did, or better. Haha. LT28, our new homeground, is much colder i think, has wider rows, which makes it harder to move around. And perhaps...easier to escape a lecturers field of vision when you sit at the sides. Hm..well, we'll have a year to get to know the place better. And Im not really looking forward to it. Then again, maybe a part of me is.

All good things must come to an end. And how good these holidays were to me. I won't say they flew by too fast. Because they didn't. But I will say that they've probably been the best holidays I can remember since...I have no idea. And I suppose they better be, since they're the last of any long holiday we'll ever have. Endings like these always make me think about how everything started. How did it ALL begin? I feel nostalgic already. But what I feel more...is gratitude...melancholy...a mix of happiness and its opposite...and...I'm even a little puzzled. Puzzled at how things have turned this way and that. But Ill leave that for the moment.

I remember. Feeling so lost even before we finished our pros. I feared its ending more than I thought i would. You know how we all slowly get numb to finishing exams over the years? Like..we're estatic in primary 6, happy in sec 2, relieved in sec 4, neutral in j2 and somehow, for me at least, fearful in m1. I didnt see anything I had to look forward to. The holidays just seemed like a mass of aimless,undirected amount of time that I had to occupy myself with. I didnt know what to do. I felt..totally lost. And it really sunk in the night before physio...Ok, I bet I sound like an absolute weirdo now. Haha.

Well..physio went by the way anat and biochem did. Only it was the last exam and that meant our freedom. And I guess I feared what was to come next. But...little did I know...that over the next few days, Id make friendships that would last an entire holiday..and hopefully, an entire lifetime. Suddenly, I had some direction, I had things to do, places to go, people to meet. All that empty space and time that I was worried about...was gonna be filled to the brim, and more. That turned my expectations of the holidays around a full 360 degrees. I was overjoyed.

So I'll cut to the chase. In short, I'm extremely, absolutely, entirely, totally, completely grateful for all the people who have been a part of my life in these long/short 4 months. (Short because we've the rest of our lives to go!) They've made my life a whole lot happier. They've made medschool seem like such a bigger, better, more vibrant place. They've given me a niche to fill. A role to play. A person/friend to be. Well...enough emo stuff for one entry eh? Thanks guys. I don't think I have to mention names do I? You should know who you are. You better. Haha.

More on Turkey...

2006-08-07T02:04:00.000+08:00

Alright..Im lazy. I admit it. There's just too much to say! And I can't possibly recall everything that happened. Turkey felt like it happened in another world..on a different plane...an alternate dimension.Then again, it WAS another world.. So, ok...these photos are not arranged in any particular order. They'll do the story telling. Alrighty then, here goes.

Here we are, at the Cotton Castle or Pamukkale, essentially, its a limestone formation...er...set over some hot springs..that explains the water streaming from the top all the way down...and the many pools of water here and there. Its protected by UNESCO I think. And well, its beautiful. The flowing water erodes and carves the limestone and everytime you return to the cotton castle, its never the same. We're allowed to walk around around certain parts of it barefoot. Here, we see Eugene looking all emo and reflective as he looks over the valley.

Now this, this is just such a heyhey shot. Haha. But its such a beautiful picture. What with the sun beginning to set in the background. And the purity of white limestone all around.

Not my idea, this photo..But apparently, its supposed to be good luck to take random photos with newly wed couples. So. Yeah, the girls led us on this one.

A group shot at Cotton Castle. Somehow, we look kinda glum. We lack the usual sparkle in our eyes. Haha. And I don't really remember any particular reason for that. Oh well.

Eugene at work! He's quite a budding photographer...equipped with his trusty slr..He took most of our group photos..Haha. We appreciate the sacrifice Eugene! Then again, if it were anyone else handling his slr, we probably wouldnt get such clear shots. Eugene thought to capture the terrain, the texture of the limestone, the cloud-covered setting sun, he just lacked a model, so he used his shoes! Haha. I think its good! It gives off this slightly poetic feel...As if...someone set off to explore the great white limestone dessert..the mystery, why would he leave his shoes behind? Haha.

This was at the Hierapolis..or Pergamon. The stop before Cotton Castle. We spent a mere 20 minutes here. If I remember correctly, it was also called a necropolis. I suppose, for all its graves and tombs...and perhaps because of the function of the settlement. Too bad, we didnt get to explore the ruins more. It was where we first encountered those whistling bird toy things tho. Haha. They were pretty cute. There's one sitting next to my toilet sink now.

Within the Necropolis...There were one or two buildings which were cordoned off because they were deemed unsafe to be around. Cant remember how old the ruins were, but apparently those buildings could collapse at any time.

Haha, random shot. Tied a knot with my tongue.

Bao's face is PRICELESS. Hahahaahaha. It was so amusing. This all started when we were told that the thing i was holding was a dried poppy stalk with its fruit. We started photowhoring with it...when someone came up with the idea of proposing with it. Haha. Well, after the shop vendors saw me proposing to her with the poppy plant, they gave me a small bouquet of flowers to do it properly. Haha. Looking at her expression really cracks me up.

Mom-less

2006-08-06T01:08:00.000+08:00

Mom and Tasha

A month has come and gone since Mom's gone off to Cornell with Jeannie and lil' Natasha. And I daresay the men are doing fine at home! Haha. With some external help of course. BUT, I must say that it might change when school starts. I don't think Ill still be hanging the clothes to dry at 1.45 in the wee hours of the morning/night. And I'm a little tired of looking at undone dishes the whole day..only to wash them myself some time at night. Oh well. Dad does breakfast, John can bathe the dog. That kinda leaves a lot of gray areas here and there. We need to really divide the workload properly. Although its been pretty smooth thus far.

Tasha!

Well, onto some stuff bout Turkey. The Salt Lake! It was a random stop along the way. Can't remember where it was. Sibel asked if we wanted to stop by to have a look since we were passing by. Haha. She gave us 20 mins. We probably took at least half an hour. In her words, we were worse than Japanese tourists. Haha, we were absolute photo whores. Our cameras whipped out like 6-shooters in a cowboy quick draw, always ready to snap wherever we were. Memory was never a problem, though Eugene's limited number of rolls of film posed a problem for his slr...but that didnt really stop him. He carried an additional digital camera to make up for it.

Anyway, the lake was gorgeous! It looked like a white dessert, pure and clean..but not really.Haha. The shades were seriously protection for our eyes, what with the sunlight reflecting off the ground. So much salt had crystallized and formed a thick layer on top of the water or something. We thought to run all the way out to find out where the water began, but it was kinda far and we were limited by time and painful feet. For all we knew, perhaps the salt formed a layer on top of the water thick enough to support our weight. The salt was kinda rocky., so it was painful. We were walking around barefoot just to get a feel of it. Whats puzzling is that if you dig down deep enough, there'd be water there. So...who knows? Haha. Google it.

The End of the Road.

2006-08-03T02:07:00.000+08:00

Its the end of the holidays. Well, practically. They were good while they lasted. The end of our longest ever holidays. The end of m1. A new beginning. m2's arising in the distance, coming up over the horizon. The end. The end. The end.

Turkey!!

2006-08-01T01:16:00.000+08:00

Blue Mosque

Ok. How do I start? Well, we touched down in Istanbul after spending about 13 hours in a plane..service was a little poor on Turkish airlines though. Not sure if we can attribute it to their inability to speak good english. And the food was..ugh. Anyway, we were so excited when we landed. We were pleasantly surprised by the good weather. It wasnt really boiling hot like we expected it to be, in fact, it was cooler than it is on usual days in Singapore. After getting our luggage and stuff, we were greeted by a smiley and laughy sibel..our guide for the next 8-9 days! I must say that she's one of the best guides Ive ever had. Hope I won't forget the stories/life lessons that she told us. Especially that 2 hour talk on the bus. Haha, I was sleeping for the 1st half hour.

Peekaboo!

Anyway, we started the tour right away with our first stop being St. Sophia Church, the Blue Mosque and The..er...Palace. It was...all interesting and beautiful in its own right...but then...i just dont really appreciate this stuff enough. And I cant even really remember the names of everything i saw. Haha. Hm...shit. Ok i cant do this. Ill get down to blogging about the really interesting things that happened during the trip. Haha. Soon soon.

Our Boy/Girl Band shot.

Somewhere out there.

Ibrahims Joy.

Eugene's Steal.

We were pretty jumpy that day.

Hm...Random Stuff/Thoughts

2006-07-30T23:08:00.000+08:00

Blading that I missed!

Yeah, Li's right. I've become a little lazy to update. And blogging about Turkey just seems like such an uphill task. Ive been procrastinating. Anyway. Ill talk about other things we've been up to! 3stan and friends/Suppergang/Turkey+bangkok pple went blading at ecp last week. I wasnt there coz I was at...dance practice. Haha. Im amazed at it myself. But, our act is actually coming together...its a little rough around the edges. Needs some polishing up. Hope we get much much much better in a week...And I hope the costumes aren't too garish/ugly.

Water break!

A windswept Aileen.

Anyway, back to blading, I only joined the rest when they were resting at the food centre at ecp and getting a drink...Chauffered a tired baorong and zhimin back to the rental place. But not before taking photos with an in-progress sandcastle/temple/pagoda thing. There were piles of sand all around the beach, awaiting their architects and artisans to begin work on them, we should probably pay the beach a visit soon to catch the the artwork. Last time I saw an exhibition on sandcastle building was at sentosa. And I was AMAZED. It was beautiful.... Apparently, they use some glue to hold the sand together. Haha, sounds like cheating, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Kinda makes our sentosa sandcastles seem like childs play.

Mini-me! and me

Our dearest Bestest Tan Poh Hiong.

After returning their rented blades, Baos got a $3 tattoo on her ankle, doubt it's survived till this long though. Haha..We made our way down to suntec foodcourt for dinner...where we ate to our heart's content. The ban mian there was good! Can't say the same for my beef noodle soup, though the beef was nice. Haha, I even brought my dad there today to try the ban mian. Somehow, i remember it to be nicer than it was today. Seems the taohu goreng there is really popular too, either that, or they dun make much of it, coz its been sold out the past 2 times I've asked for it. After dinner, we paid a visit to Aileen's friend, Charlene, who was working at Ben and Jerry's. She was nice enough to give us discount. Note: Med guys seem to have something for B&J girls. Haha. It wasn't my turn this time though. Hope the tear in his pants can be fixed. Haha.

At Ben and Jerry's. Notice Eugene's absence.

I think we were so full of energy that night...coz we just didnt wanna go home. It was a pity that there were no shows to catch. Eng Wah was closed by then. And I guess we were also a little lazy to go to another cinema. Alas, we were fated to go home. But not without making a little detour. Zhimin, Zhenjin, Aileen, Ian and I were cruising down stamford road (I think) and we were past somerset mrt when zhimin remembered this famous tau huay stall nearby. Well, actually it was at selegie, but I suppose thats pretty near. Haha. So there we went, spontaneously. To our dismay (mostly zhimin's), they were out of tau huay! We had to settle for chin chow..which was not bad..but it wasnt enough for poor mini-me..haha...and then, it was a time to head home. Think i drove over a 100 km that day.

Belated Thanks

2006-07-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

Sorry it took this long! But...Thanks everyone - Everyone who put in that little bit to surprise me at medicamp...For deliberately not wishing me on the 19th..haha...and setting me up for a BIG wonderful touching surprise on the 20th...Sorry I seemed so stone when they gave me the mike...I never was much of a spokesperson...and I was just at a loss for words! But touched very deeply I was. I realize how fortunate I am to have friends who would go that far to celebrate my birthday with me. Thanks everyone! And also to all those who made the long trip down to Aloha that night!

Big Brother Joel. Haha. You guys make me feel old.

Joachim enjoying himself, mustve felt so much better than throwing a waterbomb.

Me, feeling cheated for getting an empty box.

Again, Joachims handiwork, getting into my eyes.

A Dancing Dilemma

2006-07-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

2 days of rag have gone by...and once again, Im reminded of how slow moving float building is. I remember how we sat around last year, waiting for things to do or for materials to work with.It was boring stuff.. It was funny how we ended up playing ultimate frisbee in the rain.. We really did enjoy ourselves very much. I remember now familiar faces joining our og to play frisbee. I remember sticking cut pieces of coke and sprite cans onto our water melon. Hm...I must say that I really like our current float design better compared to last years. Well done Quan yao and the rest of the designing team.

Snow White's Rocket is coming up slowly. I think we're having trouble thinking of how else to improve it. Then again, I havent really contributed to it. Been stuck somewhere else where I dont really belong. But I'm trying. And I'm feeling it. But oh well, gotta be adventurous and willing to challenge myself. Just wish I didnt feel so completely out of it. Haha, I'm still half-hoping that somehow, I'll be able to escape. No offense to the choreographers and anyone else.

Post Turkey/Bangkok/Medicamp

2006-07-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

Feels like its been ages since the last update. So much has happened in the past 3 weeks! And Im lazy to talk about it all. I'll wait for the rest of the photos...Anyway...It was ALL amazing. Turkish tea, kebabs, salads, ruins, underground cities, evil eyes, people, ice cream, etc etc! Bangkok was just a shopping frenzy for all of us...we did NOTHING but SHOP for 3 whole days! Chatuchat was killer though, everyone had frayed nerves coz it was so hot and filled to the brim with people, it was just a lousy environment..and the shopkeepers werent all too friendly. We got back on monday evening. Just in time to unpack...then pack and get ready.

Tuesday morning, enter medicamp. Another 4 days of...well..busi-ness and excitement (sort of). I was to be a mole...it was really trying on day one...especially since so many people forgot and kept talking to me. It got a little easier after that..just took a bit of warming up i guess...Had to play out my role to get my og to be more enthu bout stuff..well...its all such a long story..shall talk about it another time...Im just glad that its all over. Somehow...Not very eager bout rag and flag though. AND dancing. Erk. K enough for now...till next time all.

Hello TURKEY!

2006-07-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

We're finally leaving for Turkey tonight! Looking back, it was really quite a long sequence of events to get this trip organized and up and running. Haha, but I suppose we took the easy way out! Nevertheless, we'll have fun! See the rest of you guys in Bangkok, Medicamp and wherever else when we get back! Take care alright.

The Narrator

2006-07-03T00:57:00.000+08:00

Mom left with Jeannie and Natasha today for the States. They should still be in the air right now...somewhere over the pacific ocean. It'll be another 6 months before they return...That just leaves the 3 of us to hold the fort. Haha. Hope the house doesnt implode on itself. She gave dad,John and I a list of chores to do regularly. We havent really decided who's gonna do what though. It'll be terrible when school starts.

Anyway, I was dead tired today. Joachim called me in the morning to ask about returning my backpack and the first thing he asked was if i was ok coz I sounded so dazed over the phone. Well, I really didnt have a good nights sleep at all. In fact, last night is certainly one worth mentioning. Havent had one of those episodes since...primary school? Strange.

You know how dreams usually come in multiples? Or perhaps dreams just take you to so many places that they seem like several dreams. And when you do remember them, you get them all mixed up? Ok maybe you dont, but anyway... they seem so real and you never realize they're dreams until you wake up. Well, last night, I dreamt many dreams. There were many familiar faces, I just don't remember who exactly.

What I do remember so clearly is this: Someone was talking to me in the dream and somehow I grew an awareness. It dawned on me that something was wrong, weird, just plain out of sync. I realized I was dreaming. And that just doesnt happen when you're dreaming. Out of protest, my innermost consciousness roused me, i felt the pillow beneath my head, the bedsheets beneath my body, the blanket over me. I felt a presence right beside my ear. It was STILL talking to me. As if it were responsible for all I'd dreamt and narrating to me as I journeyed in my sleep.

I couldnt move. Or maybe I didnt want to. I was frozen in fear. And I prayed. I prayed in Jesus' name to banish this presence forever. I don't remember when I stopped praying, but I fell asleep somewhere along the way. For the rest of that night, I slept, awoke, slept, awoke, again and again. Until breakfast that is. I didnt remember it all until Joachim pointed out that I sounded funny. Then I realized that last night did happen. That scared me a little. It kinda scares me even now. But then, Faith prevails. God protects. My last spiritual attack was ages ago. Makes me wonder why I had one last night. An omen perhaps. A sign.

NUS vs MU

2006-07-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

Two days of sports and games. Painful feet/toes and sore quads and arms. Guess we could've been better hosts. Organization was a little messy...and not many people turned up to play either. Guys volleyball was pretty bad. We needed 6 guys. We had 5. Esther helped us out with that...and she was good! Just that her calling out stuff in chinese confused me a little initially. Seems volleyball is a really cheena sport in Singapore. Well, we lost. It was such a one-sided game. But at least we had fun. Haha.

We fared better at other games. Our squashers totally dominated their opponents on court. Just too bad that we didnt have enough girls! Hon picked squash up in about an hour and played her best...Bao won the other two matches..two coz another girl couldnt make it. Basketball was really close. Our guys were all decked out in their jerseys, made them look quite pro. The Malaysians werent gonna go without a fight though. In fact, we were trailing for most of the game. Extra time gave us the opportuniy to claim victory. Well done guys.

Got a shock today when I went down for handball. I saw.....20+ guys on the MU side of the court...and....7 on ours. We were pretty worried that they'd run us ragged and just kill us then. But then, when the match started, their numbers dwindled to bout 12-14...so..I suppose the others were just supporters. Apparently, none of them had ever played handball before. And well, we'd trained like...twice before this. Haha. So we did have a distinct advantage despite having a much smaller team and only 1 substitute. Well, after floundering on the court a little, we found ourselves and settled into a certain style of game play....which was good. And we won quite comfortably. Not a bad start I'd say. With two trainings.

But Im paying for it all now. Argh. Painful feet/toes. Sore quads and arms.